1. EXT. MIDTOWN MANHATTAN — NEW YORK | DAY
A hot summer day in New York City.
The shimmering steam is looming above the blistered roof-tops of the giant business towers. Their glass walls reveal a rat race in progress.
On the other side of the avenue there is a building from a different time period. Once a noble establishment, The Winslow Hotel has a dirty, run-down facade. Its huge neon sign is missing an S and the hotel has acquired a more appropriate name, The Win low Hotel. Its only guests are on welfare.
Why this institution still exists, what irony of fate preserves it, nobody knows. It may be that the financial magnates have kept this ruin as a warning for their employees: «If you don't work hard enough, that's where you'll end up».
A male voice, with a Russian accent, emerges from the usual midtown traffic noise.
When you're walking down Madison Avenue, anywhere among 1 and 3 PM, don't be lazy to look up…
2. EXT. WINDOW LEDGE, WINSLOW HOTEL — NEW YORK DAY | DAY
A completely naked, but suntanned man is lying on the wide window ledge of hotel's last floor. His age is hard to tell, but he is in very good shape. There is a large dented pot on a hot-plate with something sinister-looking brewing in it, next to him.
The man opens his eyes and talks straight into the camera.
…Up here, on the last floor, you'll see me. I'm usually here, basking in the sun, preparing food and eating… You're probably wondering, as well as those guys across the street are, what's that barbaric cooking in the pot? It's not my room-mate in there, trust me, but Shchi, a Russian dish… It's you, my dear ones, that put the food on my table, and I thank you for it. You, my dear ones, pay a trivial tax while I don't lift my prick for anything. All I do, twice a month, are walk down the street to 1515 Broadway and pick up my check. The check is written out to me, Edward… or for you, my dears, Eddy-baby. Not that I want to be intimate with you, on the contrary, simply in America I have an American name. That's the way it is. In my old homeland, USSR, I was a poet, almost — a national hero. Here… I receive a scholarship. From the famous «Welfare Foundation»… That's the way it is…
Eddy fills his spoon with Shchi from the pot. It is a traditional Russian wooden spoon with flowers painted on it. Eddy continues talking as he chews.
…I'm not crazy to go looking for a job. I'll live off you 'till the day I die. Keep in mind gentlemen, you've been let off the hook easily! All you have to do is to get up early and go to work… for the rest of your life.
Eddy gets up, still holding the spoon in his hand, enters the room.
…I don't give a fuck for work! I love to wonder around the city, explore different neighborhoods, enjoy myself and get drunk with the guys… a full day of work for me.
Eddy opens up a closet door and takes out his brilliant white suit. He holds it in front of himself, turning to camera as if it were a mirror.
…I wear these suits, and I have a sensitive nervous system. What can I do, fuck it, I'm an artist, and you're not.
He puts the suit back into the closet.
A poster of Mao Cedung is tacked up next to the closet. Eddy points to the poster of Chairman Mao.
You know this guy? He scares off W.A.S.P.'s burglars…
Eddy goes back to the window ledge. He stirs the Shchi and picks up a bottle of olive oil.
On the other side of the avenue, a man crawls out an office window and stands on the ledge. He stands there as if he is about to jump.
Eddy sees the man, but he can't recognize his face. He is showing no excitement about what he sees.
It happens all the time… These suicide guys, they're as common as pigeons around here. The only difference is that they aren't gonna shit all over you… Pigeons, those flying pigs, they do it all the time.
(He yells, imitateing New York accent)
Hey, yo working man, don't do it! Who's gonna pay the taxes? Think about poor old Eddy-baby; who's gonna support him? Yo, man, you work for me!
The man does not hear him. He just stands there staring into the abyss.
Eddy rubs olive oil into his skin, preparing his body for another «round» of sunbathing.
You don't like me? You don't wanna support me? Ah, c'mon, what's $275 a month for you… What?
He lies down making himself comfortable. With one eye shut, squinting through the other, he looks into the camera.
You'll have to pay. Well… well… I can't help you, my dears, just talk to your government and their effective propaganda. That's what brought me here in the first place…
(cynically and purposefully in a thick Russian accent)
America, The Promised Land…
Eddy closes his eyes. He sighs relieved, and relaxes.
3. EXT. STREET — MOSCOW | DAY
A typical socialist country situation; a lot like the average American would imagine it. Gray building, gray people quietly waiting in line, in front of a store, dressed in dark, shaggy clothes. It is winter time, and it is snowing.
Johnny Larson (50-ish, game show-host with a Colgate smile, and a perfect tan) steps in, followed by a glaring spotlight. He is wearing an evening suit and he has a microphone in his hand. He stands at the end of the line addressing a man before him.
Brother, what are you waiting for?
A man, with a sad expression on his face, replies mechanically.
Audience laughter is heard.
Suddenly, the whole scene begins to rotate. It is just a make-believe scene from a TV studio. The people from the line follow Larson to the game-show stage.
4. INT. GREEN-CARD, GAME-SHOW — TV STUDIO
The stage rotates, and the «socialist country» scene turns into a glamorous one, with a panorama of New York City in the background. The Statue of Liberty is in the middle. In her clenched, raised hand instead of the torch, an illuminated USA Green Card.
The extras take their places behind Johnny Larson. He goes up to the audience. A couple of hundred people are sitting in a semi-circled auditorium.
You people out there, would you wait in a line for nails?
AAAAAnd… Would you wait in a line for a… GREEN CARD?
The orchestra, next to the stage, starts the show's title song: «The Green Card Fever». The song is a version of the «Saturday Night Fever».
Suddenly, the sad and poor looking people who were waiting in the line, throw off their rags and appear wearing white suits. They form a chorus line and start to dance, under a seventies-like, glittering light-show.
Larson gets out of the line and turns to the multinational audience which can be identified by their clothes.
Obviously, this is their well-rehearsed ritual.
If you have to be
in a line,
and be seen
it's better to be…
AUDIENCE (joins excitedly):
somewhere where the
cards are greeeeen!
If you have to be
in a line,
and be seen
it's better to be…
AUDIENCE (joins in):
somewhere where the HONDA
is easy to wiiiiin!
And, if you have to be
in a line,
and be seen
it's better to be…
AUDIENCE (joins in):
somewhere where JANE FONDA
is always thiiiiin!
THE FILM OPENING CREDITS START OVER THIS MUSICAL NUMBER
The scene ends when The Statue of Liberty winks at the camera.
The following title appears on a black background:
1. Green Card
5. INT. CABIN — CARGO SHIP NIGHT
The only light is coming from an old-fashioned Russian lighter.
Helen (20-ish, beautiful, blonde women) holding the lighter, is wrapped up in a white sheet, truing to resemble the Statue of Liberty.
Eddy is lying on a bunk bed, naked. He does not look all that happy, more likely — worried. He places a cigarette between his lips.
My dear Statue, lend me your precious torch…
You don't look happy… What's wrong with you?
Eddy moves up to her and lights the cigarette from the lighter, still in Helen's hand.
…I do not wish to mock you, my dear Statue. I simply need to light my cigarette. On the other hand, I'm afraid that cynicism is not accepted in your precious country… Unless it is not accompanied by a million dollars.
Helen smiles, still imitating the American symbol.
Don't worry my dear poet. We simply adore Russian poets here. We will especially love your pretty little wife. We don't have such specimens here. What do you think? Can she make it as an actress, here?
My dear Statue, my humble opinion is that they'll fall on their backs when they see such beauty.
Helen looks at him and smiles, still acting as the Statue of Liberty.
Eddy starts to make tender love with his «Statue of Liberty».
6. INT./EXT. CARGO SHIP — NEW YORK CITY BAY | NIGHT
A view from the ship's cabin window.
The cargo ship passes by the actual Statue of Liberty. Magnificent Manhattan lights in the distance.
Sounds of wild and passionate love-making are mixing with the song playing on the small radio. It is the theme song from «Grease».
7. EXT. DOCKS — NEW JERSEY | DAY
The cargo ship at empty dock. A shabby looking customs house is near by. Nobody is around. Huge, empty parking lots, rusty cranes, deteriorated warehouses, scattered litter. A typical New Jersey industrial wasteland.
Eddy and Helen leave the customs house carrying only a few small suitcases.
Alyosha (30-ish, very tall, ex-photographer for a Russian magazine, now an assistant to a famous New York photographer),
Masha (20-ish, skinny Russian, ex-intellectual, on welfare), and
Kyril (40-ish, bald, fat guy with broken prescription glasses. His front teeth are made of worn out silver crowns. He is a Russian ex-train conductor who liked the idea of private ownership. Now, he is a proud owner of a moving company, in infancy).
The three of them, standing next to each other, make an unusual and ridiculous welcoming party. As they see Helen and Eddy, they start to wave.
Eddy notices them. He waves back. Helen and Eddy go towards them.
From a distance I observed my old buddies from Moscow. I tried to decide whether they had changed. I was almost certain that their new homeland, like an experienced and unmerciful surgeon, had changed their appearance and soul. I looked for a trace of the surgeon's knife, but I could not find one… At the same time I realized that I was actually hoping for that…
Eddy and Helen approach the group. Masha hugs and kisses Helen.
Eddy just stands there and stares at his friends. They are all surprised by his reaction, but they forgive his behavior, believing that it is caused by excitement.
Loosen up, my poet… President Carter is busy with a small Iran job, so he asked us to greet you instead…
Eddy shakes hands with Alyosha and Kyril.
Welcome Columbus! You discovered us at last!
Out of his bag, Eddy pulls out a bottle of vodka, theatrically opens it, and offers it to his friends. Kyril looks around in panic.
What's the matter? Last time I saw you, you wouldn't refuse something like this.
Kyril, in a rush, empties what is left of his breakfast from a brown, paper bag.
You can't drink in public places here. Put the bottle in this bag.
Eddy, a bit confused, hides the vodka in the bag.
Kyril, obviously relieved, takes a swing from the wrapped bottle.
You must be kidding… You call this a public place?!
I thought that only Americans can compete with Russians in getting wasted everywhere. At least, that's what I've seen in the movies…
(looks around, more surprised)
A public place?.. Hmm
Eddy, indifferently takes the bottle and drinks from it. Alyosha observes him.
No movies are going to help you here.
Anyway, you were looking at outdated shit. These are the Seventies, man!
«Saturday Night Fever», heard about it?
Drop dead Kyril! TIM REVOLTA! I know him!
Well I think it's time to kiss the ground, of our new homeland.
He looks around. All around him there is dirty concrete.
Kiss it and let's go!
I need good old American soil. I'm going to find it and kiss it!
Eddy is persistent in his decision. He looks around and then he wanders off, searching for earth. The whole bunch follows him, unwillingly.
Alyosha picks up their suitcases.
8. EXT. FURTHER AWAY, DOCKS — NEW JERSEY | DAY
Suddenly, Eddy stops and looks around in disappointment. The huge empty parking lot is all around him.
Kyril looks at his watch.
Cut the shit! Let's go! I have two more jobs today.
No drink… no soil… «a public place».
I will kiss the ground instead of my delicate husband.
Theatrically, she gets down on her pretty, bony knees and kisses the smudged, concrete ground. She leaves a beautiful lipstick mark on the concrete.
9. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
The door of the apartment opens. A bunch of scared roaches run for their lives. A superintendent (30-ish, fat, Puerto Rican) in a white undershirt, appears. He is holding a bundle of keys in his hand. He smiles at Helen and Eddy as they walk in behind him, followed by Alyosha and Masha.
Eddy and Helen look around their future apartment. It has no furniture, its walls are completely black.
At least it's in a good neighborhood!
For the price… it's not bad.
Helen is about to start crying. Eddy holds her.
The super goes to the refrigerator, the only decent looking thing in the apartment. He opens it.
Real, baby! General Electric! Quality!
Who lived here..? Stalin? Hitler? Charles Manson?
The super laughs.
No, a fine working man — Czech! He set himself on fire. His wife left him.
Helen and Masha don't hear him. They are busy looking at the closets that are soot-stained from the fire.
Gentlemen, follow me!
Eddy looks at Alyosha. He is noticeably upset. He speaks to him in Russian.
EDDY (in Russian):
He's a lying bastard! Only servants of hell could've lived here!
Alyosha shrugs and embraces Eddy.
Don't worry. Together, we'll fix the apartment…
The super goes to the bathroom. He turns the faucet on. Terrible, almost evil, red water comes out of the pipes.
High quality faucets. Don't make them like this no more.
The super turns the faucet on and off. He sees the group surprised by the evil water.
See the red water? It's a welcome sign for you, commies.
He laughs innocently.
When are we allowed to use the bathroom?
The super looks at him blankly.
How many people use it?
Alyosha understands what is worrying Eddy, starts to laugh.
The bathroom is all yours! This isn't Moscow, man! Tomorrow I'll take you to see the place you'll be working at until you become famous, my great poet! Until then, enjoy the luxury of your own bathroom!
Alyosha pushes the puzzled super out.
Tell the landlord, we take it, as is!
The super is satisfied. He gives Eddy the key and leaves.
You were right. Charles Manson lived here.
10. INT. BATHROOM, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | DAY
Eddy and Helen in their own bathroom, soaking in the bathtub. The water is muddy and reddish. Eddy and Helen are enjoying the privacy of their steam-filled bathroom. Instead of a rubber duck, a Russian Babushka-doll is floating between the two of them.
What a life! Nobody is waiting in line behind closed doors. No lieutenant Yeftushenko, no Ana Sergeyevna with her chronic stomach troubles… or all those others from our Moscow apartment… My dear brothers, imagine our happiness… Lying in a bathtub, nobody's protesting. Everything was so perfect… but, there was this strange feeling which constantly haunted me, that I cannot explain…
The Babushka-doll that floated lazily, suddenly disappears into the reddish water.
Helen smiles through a thick cloud of steam. Behind her, the wall is black and peeling.
11. INT. KITCHEN, LUXURIOUS RESTAURANT — NEW YORK | DAY
A pile of dirty dishes is lowered into a huge foam-filled sink. The kitchen is crowded. It is lunch-time. Everyone in this high-class restaurant, does not have a second to waste.
Eddy is now employed as a bus-boy. It is his first job in the USA.
Roberto (30-ish, short, angry Italian-American) emerges at the door, a well done hamburger on his tray.
ROBERTO (pissed off):
That TV-host is fucking around with me again! Like, it's not well-done!
Roberto takes the hamburger around the kitchen, so everybody can spit on it. Eddy elegantly avoids this ritual, while everyone else truly enjoys it.
WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!
It is nice to find a trace of good old socialist ideas, here in New York. It did good to my homesickness… But, Eddy-baby knows that most of these guys would change places with the TV-host even if that meant…
Roberto calls to Jumbo (40-ish, huge, easy-going African-American dish washer).
Jumbo, give us a home-run.
Jumbo breaks into a toothless smile. As he moves closer, he gathers spit. Then, he spits out a huge globe onto the hamburger.
They all cheer in approval.
I didn't spit. I was never drawn to these little malicious deeds, but I would never spoil the unity among the «kitchen slaves». I'm for more drastic methods… you know…
Eddy applauds as well.
This is fun… nothing else is… like between me and Helen…
12. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Helen is watching The Green Card, game-show on a small TV. At the same, time she is having sex with Eddy who had entered her from behind. In contrast to Helen, Eddy is enjoying their sex greatly. Besides all this, she is even putting on her lipstick. She looks very apathetic.
13. INT. GREEN-CARD, GAME-SHOW — TV STUDIO
Three cabins are on the set, in front of the make-believe panorama of New York City. The contestants are all illegal aliens, therefore only their silhouettes can be seen. The main prize is a valid USA Green Card, which all of them want so dearly.
The host, Johnny Larson, is warming up the crowd.
…And now Ladies and Gentlemen the final round. There will only be one lucky winner. Only one contestant will fulfill his dream. A chance to become an American! But, for now, let us encourage all of them!
The audience applauds frantically.
Dark silhouettes in the cage-like cabins are motionless.
Larson opens up the envelope.
You cannot become an American if you can't answer this question! And the question is: …What is the First Amendment?!
The red light on cabin number one goes on. Larson is overwhelmed.
Number one is very fast! He knows the answer! Go ahead number one.
The person in cabin number one hesitates for a few moments. Then he speaks.
The first amendment guarantees everyone the right to remain silent, and have one phone-call…
The audience boos. Larson does not try to hide his disappointment.
Number one will, unfortunately, have only one guarantee and that is to swim across the Rio Grande again. This time… in the opposite direction, ha, ha, ha!
The audience laughs at this joke.
Sorry Number One, I couldn't help this one. Let's have another try!
The light goes at cabin number three.
And now, Number Three wants to try. Go ahead Number Three.
The first amendment guarantees freedom of speech and freedom of press…
Bravo, Number Three! Come out and introduce yourself. The audience is dying to see you.
An extremely fat woman, with limp hair, emerges from the cabin. Larson shakes her hand, the audience applauds.
14. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Helen is pissed-off. She is staring at the TV.
How do they allow such creatures to appear on TV? I thought only beautiful people were allowed on the screen in America?
Eddy does not answer. He continues to make love to her quietly.
For Christ's sake, are you done? Will you finally come? Try to finish up during the commercials. «Dactari» is coming on.
A glamorous «Channel» commercial comes on, and Helen watches it sadly.
I think I'll sign up for the game-show! What do you think?
Eddy is still pumping. He looks at her in surprise.
EDDY (breathing hard):
What do you need two green-cards for? You wanna sell one?
You and America just don't go together, do you? It's my shot at show-business! You think I'll become a famous model in this dump?
EDDY (breathing harder):
They'll know you have a green card… They have computers here you know.
I'll sign up under a false name, you moron. The contestants are anonymous anyway, until they receive the green card. There's gonna be a scandal when I win another but who cares, I'll be famous.
Eddy is not really listening, he is too engaged.
Am I smart, or what, huh?
EDDY (rolling his eyes):
More than smart… you are perfect.
Eddy reaches climax, lies down next to her.
You don't want to kiss your smart little wife?
Eddy kisses her. She is not looking at him. She is too busy staring at the TV screen.
HELEN (all excited):
The TV series «Dactari», comes on. Clarence, the cross-eyed lion roars, as if the devil himself was after him.
Helen roars along with Clarence and crosses her eyes. Eddy smiles at her. For a moment they look happy.
What could I have done, anyway? New York City was like an old pervert with a fake smile and a bag full of goodies… I spit on his goodies, but my little naive girl wanted all of them, and all them at once.
15. INT. GREEN-CARD, GAME-SHOW — TV STUDIO
New York City panorama set. Audience applause. Johnny Larson, the host, is all smiles.
And today's winner is a lady that America will accept with their hands wide open!
Larson winks, lowering his voice, addresses the audience confidentially.
I know I would… now, you'll see why!
Larson walks up to cabin number two, and opens the door. He speaks loudly into the microphone.
Ladies and gentlemen, Number Two, our winner today is Miss ZZZZivkovic from…
HELEN (big smile):
Helen walks out of the cabin. Dressed in a long, black evening dress, with her hair up, she looks fabulous. Larson hugs her, gives her a kiss. Two of them walk closer to the audience.
Tell us… now that you have your green card, what do you plan to do here, in America?
Well, isn't it obvious?
The audience applauds, obviously liking what they see. A few men from the audience whistle, overwhelmed by Helen's appearance.
First, I'll become a top-model, and then…
Imitating Clarence, the lion, she crosses her eyes, and roars sweetly and playfully.
The audience loves her imitation, applauds frantically.
16. INT. KITCHEN, LUXURIOUS RESTAURANT — N.Y. | DAY
Eddy, Jumbo and Roberto are watching the game-show on the TV in storage room. Roberto congratulates Eddy.
Bella donna! If all women in Communist countries look like that, I'll apply for The Russian Red Card. I've emigrated to the wrong country, ke stronco!
Jumbo stares at the TV.
JUMBO (gathering spit):
I'd love to send this dude a «home-run».
Jumbo give the man some credit. Johnny Larson fucks them for all of us.
Roberto glances over at Eddy. He feels bad, realizing what he had said.
Sorry Eddy, don't let guys like that mess around with your pretty little wife. Me, when I go out, I lock my woman up. She's there to cook and keep her mouth shut. I don't believe in any of that feminist crap! I tell you, go home, fuck her good, slap her around a few times, make her happy and she'll forget about Hollywood real fast.
Zhang (50-ish, tough, Chinese-American head-waiter) appears on top of the staircase.
ZHANG (screaming, heavy accent):
Russia make revolution, again? Get your asses up, fast!
17. INT. LIQUOR STORE — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy is buying a huge champagne bottle.
You might think that Roberto was right… but I just can't do it. Eddy-baby isn't that type…
18. EXT. STREET — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy is walking down the street, staggering with a giant bottle of Champaign. People passing by look at him with disbelief.
…Eddy-baby loves to take care of his women, to feed them, to dress them, to fuck them, he loves to… love! Go ahead and say it! Eddy, you pussy! Fine, that's just the way I am! You guys, beat on your beloved wives — I won't!
19. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy is lying on the bed, hugging a giant bottle as if it were a woman, waiting for his wife Helen to celebrate.
Eddy's method is a bit different. He does it with his soul, with his delicate kisses, his gentle dick, …
He falls asleep with the bottle in his hand.
The TV is on. The cross-eyed lion appears on the screen. Another episode of «Dactari» is about to begin.
20. EXT. RED SQUARE — MOSCOW | DAY
It is snowing on the Red Square. People are waiting in the line to visit Lenin's mausoleum. The mausoleum is barely visible through the snow.
Eddy is reciting his poems to the people in line.
…Oh my life of molded clay!
Oh my dying century!
I'm afraid that,
only the man who has lost his soul,
only the man with a helpless smile,
is the man to understand you!
The people in line listen to his poems quietly.
Eddy finishes the poem. A few people applaud, others are obviously too scared.
Eddy takes a dozen books out of his bag. They are obviously the product of Eddy's own craftsmanship, bound in brown cardboard.
My dear fellow-citizens, for only 10 kopecks, you can own a book that will warm your hearts, while you wait in line to bow before our great leader… These poems will warm your heads better than your fur-caps, and your soul better than vodka…
Two agents in plain clothes come out of the line. They grab Eddy by his arms and carry him off. The people in the line remain silent.
21. INT. POLICE STATION — MOSCOW | DAY
Eddy is in an investigation room. A bright light is aimed at his face.
…My friend from far away,
My secret friend,
Look at me,
I'm all quiet,
Like the silence of dawn,
I'll be cold, sad and numb,
When the morning comes,
My friend from far away,
My secret friend,
When I die…
The policemen appear from the dark. They look tough, but tears are rolling down their faces.
One of them moves the light away from Eddy's face. The other one sighs loudly. He gets up and takes out a bottle of vodka and three glasses from the cabinet.
Silence. They drink up.
POLICE OFFICER (teary-eyed):
What a life…
He sighs and shines the light into Eddy's face, again.
The stage rotates and the police station turns into the game-show stage. The audience applauds.
22. INT. GREEN-CARD, GAME-SHOW — TV STUDIO | ***
Eddy is on the stage. A spot-light covers him.
Johnny Larson, the host, comes out from the dark, followed by another spot-light.
Well, my poet… hopefully, here in the States you won't get involved in such illegal activities?
Laughter from the audience.
Eddy looks surprised.
So what are your plans here, in the free world?
I plan to write…
Great! How fast can you type?
Suddenly, followed by a third spot-light, a busty Barbie-doll look-a-like appears on the stage, sitting at an office desk, typing incredibly fast.
Miss New York City's Secretary for the month of March! Jodie Olbright!
The audience applauds frantically.
Larson turns to Eddy, asks him in a strict voice.
How about it, my Russian poet? Can you type this fast?
Eddy looks puzzled. Despite her long nails, the secretary is typing her ass off.
The applause becomes even louder.
23. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy wakes up in a sweat. Helen is sleeping next to him, her make-up smeared, still dressed. The huge champagne bottle is between them. He can smell drink on her breath. Eddy starts to sniff her, searching for the other man's scent. He even sniffs her panties, underneath her dress.
Then he slowly takes them off, trying not to wake her up. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, carrying her panties and the champagne bottle with him.
24. INT. BATHROOM, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | NIGHT
Eddy sits on the toilet seat, placing the champagne bottle next to himself.
He slowly brings her panties close to his face and starts to search for the semen of another man. Finally he spots a small yellowish stain on Helen's lacy white underwear.
There was a time when the daughters of even the greatest Soviet officials opened up their sweet, romantic pussies before the poetry of this Russian artist… Now he has turned into a wretched pioneer, an explorer of his own wife's underwear…
25. INT. BATHROOM, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | DAWN
Eddy finishes up the huge champagne bottle, and pushes Helen's underwear inside. He gets up from the toilet seat, uncertain on his legs, obviously drunk.
…I've finally found it, a small, barely visible sign… America, you doggie, you've pissed on my territory, a place that had belonged only to me… well take it. Eddy has no sense of private ownership, Eddy is telling you — take her body, sell it, share it, fuck it… but leave her soul alone.
Tears are rolling down his face.
Eddy opens up a bathroom window and throws out the champagne bottle.
He looks at himself in the mirror. He stares at his eyes full of tears. He is totally crushed, but still cocky.
…you toking too me? Are you, fucking, toking to me..? What are you telling me, America?
The following title appears on a black background:
26. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
Helen is in the bathroom getting ready, putting on make-up. A huge cockroach is crawling on the mirror.
Helen takes the Babushka-doll from the shelf and kills the roach with it. Then, she continues to apply make-up.
HELEN (different accents):
It is deleeeshus… It is diiiilicious… It is delicioussss…
Completely unsatisfied, she is on the verge of tears.
HELEN (to herself):
Stupid… stupid language!
Eddy is sitting at the sewing machine. He is fixing the dress that she is to wear for the audition.
Helen is pissed off. She comes out of the bathroom, naked, and starts to pick a fight with Eddy.
Don't you fuck up that dress now…
Why all the fuss, it's just a stupid commercial? You're as beautiful as a queen… they'll all bow when they see you!
They will, my ass! I won a stupid game-show for emigres… This is different. These are all nice American girls who have powdered their precious pussies since the day they were born… Ahh, Russia you motherfucker, what did you powder me with?
Eddy still sewing, looks up.
Only Russia can produce such beauty. Don't worry, they're not worthy of your…
HELEN (interrupts, irritated):
Cut the crap. What time is it? Man, if Johnny Larson can't help me, nobody can! He promised to talk to the producer, director, everyone…
It's 9:15 AM! You are already late!
…Larson is such a wonderful man. Imagine that he offered to help out without even knowing me, after just seeing me once… he has offered me such a chance! What a man!
And what did you offer him?
Helen becomes hysterical.
You selfish, egocentric idiot! If you make me cry before the audition, I'll make you regret it!
Eddy remains calm. He stops the sewing machine and lifts the dress up.
C'mon princess, you'll be very late.
Eddy buttons up the back of her dress. Helen observes herself in the mirror. She is satisfied. Eddy is watching for her reaction to his creation.
You should've become a fashion designer…
You used to like my poems more than my dresses.
What else was there to do? All we had was boring Soviet television…
(she notices Eddy's long face)
Eddy, baby, why don't you become a fashion designer here, that's art as well!
Eddy is fixing her dress the best he can, while she is restless and jumpy.
I'd have to give my ass to the fashion world! Would you like it if your husband got fucked up his pretty little ass?
Helen laughs. She approaches him and kisses his cheek.
Maybe that would wisen you up, my poet.
Helen walks out the door, the dress flowing around her.
27. EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING — N.Y. | DAY
Johnny Larson, opens the limousine door for Helen. She hugs him, and gets in.
28. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
From the window, Eddy sees Helen getting into the limousine.
He sits at his desk and puts a sheet of paper into his old Russian, portable typewriter. He just stares at it. Nothing happens.
29. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Helen is in bed, sleeping. Eddy is looking at her.
I could see that she had someone else, but I couldn't bare to ask her. She would have admitted it. That's just the way she is. She had stopped having sex with me. I used to spend night after night lying in bed next to her, wanting her. I wanted my own wife… Can you believe that? You probably think that it's hard to go nuts… believe me, it's not…
He jumps out of bed and goes to the bathroom. He is wearing Helen's panties, garter belt and stockings.
30. INT. BATHROOM, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | NIGHT
Eddy is in the bathroom, dressed in Helen's underwear. He takes out a box with a pair of hand-cuffs inside.
…I fantasized about raping her. I went out and bought a needed accessory for that purpose…
He looks them over, and then opens them, realizing that they are very easy to get out of. Eddy is disappointed.
He reads the instructions on the colorful box.
«Recommended for children over four years of age»… Ahhh… the poor, crazy Russian poet doesn't know how to read the instructions when he goes shopping…
31. INT. CLOSET, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | NIGHT
Eddy is hidden in the closet, behind Helen's dresses. Using a tiny nail file, he is trying to make real handcuffs out of the toy ones.
…Fuck you bitch… you'll get what's coming to you… this toy will become a «cry-toy»…
Eddy looks at his wife Helen, through the slightly open closet door. She is in bed, sleeping.
32. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy is lying, awake, next to Helen. She is snoring. Her one hand is hand-cuffed to the bad.
From underneath the carpet, Eddy pulls out a rope. The rope is tied to the radiator.
…Up to a point, it was comforting to imagine how easy it would be to kill her with this rope. In a strange way, it made my life easier… it saved me from going completely nuts… This absurd belief, that she was still under my control, gave me a certain strength…
33. INT. HELEN AND EDDY’S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy strangles Helen with the rope.
34. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK NIGHT
Eddy hangs Helen.
35. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK NIGHT
Eddy lies in bed and watches Helen sleeping, next to him.
…Fantasizing about murdering her, made me not want to do it anymore. Her husband's great imagination saved her life… How useful her useless husband was to her in this… she'll never know.
36. INT. KITCHEN, LUXURIOUS RESTAURANT — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy is cleaning the silverware. Zhang, head-waiter appears at the kitchen door.
Hey, Russia, bring fresh champagne for those fresh pussies! Table thirteen!
37. INT. LUXURIOUS RESTAURANT — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy enters the dining-room in a hurry. He sees his wife Helen, Johnny Larson and another well-dressed couple, at a table. Eddy approaches them. Helen gets up, excited.
She hugs and kisses him on the cheek, in the middle of the restaurant. She is acting. Her pleasure in seeing him is fake. The whole scene becomes completely theatrical.
Standing there, in his funny bus-boy uniform, which makes him feel even more distant from the rich crowd in the restaurant, Eddy looks very uncomfortable.
…I wanted you to be the first to know. I got the job, the big job. With a famous fashion designer. Why don't you sit with us for a while?
The crowd at the table smiles condescendingly at Eddy. They are willing to tolerate Helen, but they wonder why she is wasting their time on this person.
EDDY (quietly, in Russian):
I'm not allowed to talk to the guests.
Helen is pretending not to hear him.
HELEN (loudly, in English):
Let me introduce you to my friends!
(then quietly in Russian)
(in English again)
This is a famous producer, Mr…
BALDY (interrupting Helen):
How do you do?
A fat bald man, big cigar in his mouth, in a very expensive suit, offers a hand shake. Eddy shakes hand with him.
Helen turns to Larson.
This is my guardian angel, the famous Johnny Larson whom I owe everything to.
The «guardian angel», smiles and shakes his hand with Eddy.
Your wife is a natural. A «natural disaster», a real talent, I'd say.
Everyone at the table laughs. Larson withdraws his hand and hands Eddy a plate with a medium-cooked hamburger on it.
Could you please, take this thing back and cook it a bit longer. It was a pleasure meeting you.
As if hypnotized, Eddy stares at the plate. He takes it, and, as he starts towards the kitchen, he hears Helen giggling.
Isn't he cute?
38. INT. KITCHEN, LUXURIOUS RESTAURANT — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy takes the hamburger into the kitchen. The whole crew is waiting to spit on the hamburger. They all stare at Eddy in surprise, when they realize that he is crying. Deadly silence in the kitchen. The workers show their solidarity with Eddy.
Instead of the cook, Eddy himself places the hamburger on the grill. He stares at it, as his tears fall down onto the meat.
With his bare hands, Eddy picks up the hamburger from the grill. The sizzling meat is burning his skin. Without paying attention to the pain, he carries it into the restaurant.
Eddy approaches Helen's table and throws the hamburger onto the Larson's plate. Eddy unties his apron and throws it away, as he leaves.
Helen stares at him, in surprise, as he walks out the main door. She gets up.
HELEN (in Russian):
You idiot! You fool!
She turns to her friends.
She leaves the restaurant and runs after him.
39. EXT. STREET — NEW YORK | DAY
Helen catches up with Eddy.
You stupid, stuck-up idiot! You just had to ruin everything for me, didn't you? If you really wanna know, I screwed them both, Johnny and the baldy! Yes, you heard me, I fucked them! Do you really believe that there was some other way? Everybody screws and gets screwed! Everybody has a price!
Eddy does not answer. Helen continues to follow him. His silence is driving her crazy. She takes off her blouse.
…These tits have a price, get it? I didn't come up with that theory!
She takes off her skirt. All she has on are her panties and hose. Eddy walks on.
These legs have a price too, they're not on discount! Only your poems don't have a price, not even a discount one!
People are turning around, watching the scene.
Eddy is still walking, without any reaction. Helen takes off her miniature panties.
Take a good look at all of this! Look at me, damn you! You will never be able to see all of this anymore!
Completely naked, Helen stops a cab and gets in.
At this point, there is a sizable crowd of onlookers, watching this spectacle.
As the cab pulls away, Eddy slowly picks up Helen's dress from the pavement.
The crowd slowly starts to disperse.
40. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
On his sewing machine, Eddy is stitching together all that is left of Helen's belongings. This bizarre collage, he tacks up on the apartment walls. Eddy's creation is made of unused tampon, dirty underwear, bits and pieces of her wardrobe, etc. Every piece has a label, explaining it's significance.
After completing the «exhibition», Eddy sits in the middle of the room, observing his work of art.
The TV is on. A familiar face draws Eddy's attention.
41. INT. TV SCREEN, EDDY'S ROOM — NEW YORK | NIGHT
On screen, an interview with a Russian conceptual, emigre artist: Maria Abramic (30-ish, beautiful whorish-looking blonde). Andy Warhol personally, is interviewing Maria, at a Village gallery, after her performance. Maria is completely naked, her intimate areas are electronically covered.
Maria Abramic, isn't it a bit risky, to allow the audience to do whatever it pleases with your exposed, naked body?
Maria points to a scar on her arm.
Andy, dear, there is always the unexpected to fear… This is a reminder of my performance in London, England… the whip.
(she points to a burn mark on her neck)
This is from Rome, Italy… «Camel», no filter
42. EXT. PARK — MOSCOW | DAY
A pleasant winter day in Moscow. The park is covered with snow. An illegal, outdoors, art exhibition. The artists are Moscow's modern painters that have been forbidden exhibit in government run galleries.
Paintings are nailed to the trees, sculptures are placed on the snow-covered ground. It looks like a real art exhibition, but it seems a bit bizarre under the circumstances.
Eddy and Helen have drinks in their hands. They are walking through a crowd of hesitant onlookers. It is very cold, and the wind is heavy. The artists and the crowd do not seem to notice any of it.
Maria Abramic, wearing a short fur, is standing next to a huge poster-size nude painting of herself. Her pussy is covered with a can of «Campbell's» soup.
An chubby, elderly woman, holding bags of poorly looking groceries, is observing the whole thing. She is furious.
My fellow citizens, comrades, what's this repulsive nonsense in our capital? Does the Soviet citizen deserve this? This is not America!
Maria Abramic is laughing, loudly. She takes her camera off the shoulder, starts photographing the scene.
Hey mom, take your clothes off! I'm gonna take a picture of you,
The woman becomes hysterical. She starts to hit the artist with her bags. Maria and the others only laugh.
Nearby, two police cars stop. A dozen riot police officers, with police dogs, jump out. Everyone starts to break, some try to run away, while others stay in order to save their art-work.
The police start to tear down and destroy the exhibited artwork. Police dogs are barking furiously.
Maria Abramic is still laughing, satisfied with the «closing ceremony». She walks up to a police officer, starts to kiss him.
Thanks for the scandal! You made us famous! Take the picture… comrade officer. Surprise your wife and your kids. Put it in your home… to make it pretty.
The police officer pushes her off roughly. She falls onto the snow, still laughing.
The woman with the bags is satisfied. Suddenly, a police baton strikes her. Two policeman take her off towards the car.
I'm a recipient of Lenin's medal! Comrades, I'm a distinguished socialist laborer!
Eddy and Helen are running away with Maria Abramic's painting. They are laughing.
43. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy is watching Maria Abramic being interviewed on TV.
44. INT. TV SCREEN, EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
The same Village gallery.
…If they allowed you to go back to your homeland, would you do this same performance there? Would you dare?
Maria Abramic laughs.
Unfortunately, that wouldn't be possible!
No, sexual reasons. The only thing they would like is… to fuck me, my dear compatriots…
The TV studio tries, unsuccessfully, to bleep her. It is a live broadcast.
45. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy is watching the end of Maria's interview on TV, a sour smile on his face.
Somebody knocks on the door.
It is Alyosha, two bottles of vodka in his hands. Shocked, he stares at Eddy's «conceptual art»,
Alyosha walks up to the tampon on the wall and reads the card next to it.
«Helen's U-N-U-S-D tampon».
You misspelled it's U-N-U-S-E-D.
(reads the card)
«The string that's hanging out from my girlfriend's pussy looks funny».
Eddy, you've either decided to become a conceptual artist, or you've simply gone nuts.
I've gone nuts.
Alyosha reads another card pinned underneath Helen's stretched out silk stocking.
«…Where is the other one, we don't know. One little stocking, left all alone, like Eddy».
Alyosha, puzzled, looks at Eddy, crying. He goes up to him and hugs him, pats his back, trying to comfort him. Eddy continues to cry.
The following title appears on a black background:
46. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
A party in Eddy's apartment. A crowd is mainly Russian. Alyosha, Kyril, Masha and others.
Eddy is pouring drinks. He seems absent-minded.
It was Alyosha's idea… he believes that any problem can be solved by having fun, eating and drinking. To put it briefly, by throwing a party.
Alyosha leans over and whispers into Eddy's ear pointing to a brunette.
Look at her, Eddy. You know what I believe is the best way to stop feeling lousy. This one's very easy, just ask politely, she'll give in.
I've had it with women.
You need a man?
I need love.
Alyosha looks surprised.
Eddy, brother… what you need is to get laid!
The doorbell rings. Eddy opens the door.
Raymond (60-ish, short, chubby, a famous photographer for whom Alyosha works) enters with his lover, Belmondo (20-ish, handsome, Hispanic).
They shake hands with Eddy.
You are just as I imagined… a tormented spirit. Alyosha had told me about your tragedy… it is sad, but better if it happens sooner than later.
Raymond pats Eddy on the cheek and walks away. Raymond's lover, Belmondo follows him, giving Eddy a dirty look.
Alyosha notices Eddy looking towards Raymond.
Raymond is observing Eddy's wall «exhibition». He reads the cards. Eddy approaches him carrying two glasses. He hands one to Raymond.
This is so powerful! I could help you… I know some important people, art dealers who could help you show this…
This isn't for public showing.
Fine, but I believe you're making a mistake, my dear. A lot of money can be made on suffering.
Not too many people are capable of suffering nowadays, at least not honestly. I'd say that it's a forgotten art in today's world… not to mention true love; now that's practically nonexistent…
Eddy looks at him. Raymond smiles.
…It's a good thing, that this has happened to you now… you're still new in this country. You've learned one of life's important lessons.
47. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Belmondo, in search for another drink, shows up at the kitchen door. He sees Eddy and Raymond at the table.
Women are hard, selfish and ungrateful. They never give, they only take. In ancient times, before all of these theories about women's lib… things were more… natural… Now, there's no use for them… If a man wants a clean house, It's better to hire a good housekeeper… But, If a man wants love, It's better not to mess with women at all.
Raymond smiles, realizing Eddy has accepted his sweet-talk. He lifts his small, damp, old hand and gently touches Eddy's palm.
Belmondo, who has been standing at the door, after seeing this, suddenly takes off.
Raymond is aware of this, but he still continues his sweet talk.
You need gentleness, don't you? Someone to cuddle up with… you're yearning for respect and love…
Eddy looks at him and nods.
…A long time ago, man was the provider. He was strong, brave and cruel. He had to be! Men found gentleness and kindness in women. Today it's different. Women today are self-centered and obnoxious creatures. You need a man…
Suddenly, a scream is heard and then a male voice.
What are you doing, you fool? Check him out. The moron has butchered himself.
Raymond smiles sweetly at Eddy.
Excuse me, I think I know what's going on…
Eddy watches him leave.
48. INT. BATHROOM, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | NIGHT
Raymond enters the bathroom. Blood is all over the floor.
A few of the remaining guests are standing around, not really shaken by Belmondo's suicide attempt.
Raymond coldly walks up to Belmondo and kneels beside him. Belmondo is crying like a child. Raymond glances at the cuts on Belmondo's wrists and realizes that they're not deep. He slaps Belmondo's face a couple of times.
Didn't we agree not to do these things when we go out, you naughty boy? Why don't you watch, where you do these things? Why didn't you do it in the bathtub? Why, Belmondo!?
Raymond turns to the crowd, smiling politely.
Could somebody please get me some gauze, or something similar?
49. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Raymond and Belmondo, whose wrists are bandaged, are at the door. Eddy is seeing them out.
Raymond smiles at Eddy, takes out a business card, hands it to him significantly.
It was pleasant… Very pleasant!
Eddy closes the door. Alyosha approaches him. He seems very disappointed.
I am a man of the world, I can understand and accept many things, but I am a Russian, as well. Don't do it, Eddy
50. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
The phone rings. Eddy wakes up. After the party, his apartment is a mess.
Eddy picks up the receiver.
Hello… Raymond speaking… I think something happened yesterday… Let's talk about it… how about brunch?
51. INT. BATHROOM, HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT | DAY
Eddy is brushing his teeth. He rubs his eyes.
I knew what was going happen… I admit, I wasn't scared. On the contrary, I was hoping that it would happen as soon as possible. I needed that absurd, but necessary change in my life, a change that would bring up a wall between Helen and me. That wall would separate us forever. Like the two Germanys, like East and West…
52. INT. HELEN AND EDDY'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy is putting on his white suit.
…I could see that there was something abnormal in that desire. But then, again, what is so bad in a girl's desire to lose her virginity as soon as possible. What's so bad in Alice's chase after the rabbit..? Our world is based on The White Rabbit tale, anyway. You know what I mean, don't you? What is so bad in wanting a change? I was in a hurry to become… officially speaking, a ho…
53. INT. TRENDY RESTAURANT — NEW YORK | DAY
Raymond and Eddy are seated at Raymond's private table.
Raymond is taking only a tossed green salad. Eddy has a avocado and crab salad. With a gentle expression on his face, Raymond is watching Eddy.
To bad, I can't eat all that I want, I have to watch my diet… You still lucky…
Eddy is eating quietly.
…Take a look at that couple over there…
Eddy looks in that direction. An attractive, well-dressed couple in their thirties are seated at a nearby table.
…It's only sex and interest between those two. Pure instincts. Where is love for Christ's sake? There is no love between a man and a woman, nowadays. Poor Andy was almost killed by a mad bitch. You know, a gay would never do such a thing. Love between two men is much stronger and gentler. A couple can even spend their lifetime together…
Raymond gives Eddy a meaningful look, and sighs.
…True, such love is rare. Before, some twenty years ago, life in our circles was completely different. The young preferred to live with the elder, because they could learn from them, count on them, which is fair. A young man usually needs some sort of support from a mature person. Unfortunately, it's different today. The young like to live with the young, but there's no substance there… nothing, just bare fucking…
As Raymond talks, Eddy observes the couple at the other table. The woman cuts a piece of a very rare steak and puts it into her mouth.
…Women are rougher than men, their filthiness is part of their physiology, their bloody menstrual cycles… You and I, as artists, have to scorn their horrifying and dirty secretion…
The woman leans over and kisses the man. Raymond realizes that Eddy is watching them.
…I liked you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. We are similar souls. You're the reason I had a fight with Belmondo, my lover of six years. He really cares for me… and he has a great dick…
Eddy looks at him in surprise, Raymond's comments are making him uncomfortable.
It's necessary to talk in this way. I'm talking about true love, real closeness… Do you think I'm vulgar? When I kissed you at your party, my dick got so hard, it got hard right away. Belmondo just doesn't do it for me anymore. What can I do? On the other hand… he really loves me… It's hard to decide. What do you think, Edward?
Raymond sighs sadly.
Eddy looks at him sympathetically.
54. INT. ANTIQUE SHOP — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy and Raymond are strolling around, looking at the antique dinner services. Raymond hands Eddy a plate, so he can touch the delicate porcelain edge.
Family lunches, normal life, chicken soup, small-talk at the table, all of that exists in the real world. This fine porcelain seemed to whisper to me. Their creators were masters of tradition. Families existed, there were no Helens who screwed around, there was no cruel and shameless world of fashion and photography…
The discrete, young salesman's voice makes Eddy twitch. The young man opens up a case with a dish set in it.
…And this is «Faberge», sir, it belonged to the imperial Romanov family…
Eddy touches a plate. Raymond notices Eddy's amazement.
We'll take this one… What do you think, Edward?
Eddy does not reply. He is still looking at the delicate glaze on the service.
The Romanov's china set, from the last Russian Czar. A sign of providence… A symbol of old fashioned love…
55. INT. RAYMOND'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Raymond brings a home-cooked meal into the dining-room. The table is set for 12 people, the entire Romanov's china set is on the table.
Raymond serves Eddy. Eddy is overwhelmed and a bit drunk. Raymond kisses him lightly on the neck.
I hope that the Romanovs will make you feel at home. Do you come from a large family, Eddy?
No I am an only child.
You poor thing! I'd like to have children, but not with a woman. They are not worthy of having them.
Let's adopt ten little Cossacks from the Don river.
You are an unusual man Edward… so delicate and manly, at the same time. That is what the American man lacks.
Raymond sits across the table, observing Eddy.
Boys… Cossacks. A splendid idea, Edward.
Belmondo bursts into the dining room, interrupting this delicate American-Cossack family dream discussion. He is shocked, seeing the table set for 12 people.
What's this, Raymond? Orgy-time? Where are the others?
Raymond tries to calm him down.
That's symbolism, my dear… «A set for 12» — symbolism.
Symbolism? It hurts me realistically, Raymond. My heart is being torn to pieces, very realistically…
Listen, my dear, I believe that we've made some things clear… Now, if you'd like to join us at the table…
Belmondo gets up on the chair theatrically, and then onto the table. Raymond and Eddy look at him in surprise.
Really… you are behaving like a jealous… cheated woman, Belmondo.
But I am a woman that has been cheated on, Raymond!
Belmondo starts marching across the table, crushing the plates. Pieces of porcelain fly everywhere.
EDDY (counting down):
…There goes Alyosha's plate… and Sashenyka's and…
Raymond looks at Eddy with concern, then tries to grab Belmondo by the legs. But, Belmondo kicks him angrily continuing to crush the dishes.
Eddy is beginning to enjoy the situation he has found himself in. Belmondo is jumping around.
Raymond, lets adopt Belmondo. He already behaves like a mad Cossack child… or, maybe he can be our Cossack guard.
Belmondo becomes furious. Raymond kneels down, pathetically. He begins to implore Belmondo to stop.
Can't we part nicely? Why do we have to spoil all those wonderful memories, why?
Belmondo looks down at him scornfully and continues to crush the plates.
EDDY (counting down):
…No more Sergey, now we are left without Seryozha as well…
Suddenly, Belmondo stops. He gets down on his knees, onto the littered table, buries his face into his hands. He starts to sob.
What about loyalty? What about faithfulness until the day we die?
Raymond is on the floor, gathering bits and pieces of porcelain. His hands are already full.
That's enough… Get out of my house you stupid fool! Your romantic crap has just cost me $14,000!
Belmondo's tear-stained face becomes red with rage. He is obviously losing his mind. He comes dangerously close to the two remaining Romanov plates.
Eddy stops his count down. He becomes serious, gets up from his chair. He takes off his glasses, gives Belmondo one of his «Russian teen-age gang member» stares.
Belmondo, a furious giant ready to tear Raymond apart, suddenly freezes.
Eddy picks up the two remaining plates from the table.
EDDY (in Russian):
There are two children left! That's a minimum!
Belmondo does not understand a thing, but he finally breaks down. He starts to cry and takes a peace of broken porcelain. He lies down on the table, starts to cut himself. Blood squirts on to the rug.
Ignoring Eddy, Raymond starts to kiss and hug Belmondo.
Eddy takes the two remaining plates and leaves the apartment.
Not paying attention to the broken porcelain cutting them, the two lovers are now rolling over the littered table.
56. EXT. STREET — NEW YORK | NIGHT
It is raining.
Eddy puts the plates over his head, using them as rain cover. He is trying to stop his white suit from getting wet. The suit gets wet, anyway.
Two teen-agers approach Eddy.
Yo, me… got some change for us?
Eddy stops and looks at them.
Eddy shoves the two plates into their hands.
They look at him in surprise.
This belonged to the Romanovs, the last Russian emperors. They are eleven hundred dollars a peace now. You can sell them…
You fucking with us, son?
Teen-ager 1 pushes him off.
Let him go, he's not worth it…
Eddy turns away and leaves. The teen-agers stay behind, staring after him.
This city is full of whackos! Catch!
They start to throw the plates to each other, as if they were Frisbees. One of the plates falls and breaks. The teen-agers start to laugh.
Eddy is walking away.
…There is no kindness, anywhere. In my search for a little love and understanding all I found was blood, tears, pain. Raymond and his lover were like all the other couples of the world. Like Helen and me — beasts that ate each other, poisoned each other with lies and infidelity… Breaking on the sidewalk, the old «Faberge» plate seemed to sneer reproachfully at me… At the end of the twentieth century, on a rainy New York night… what did you expect, Eddy-baby?
The following title appears on a black background:
57. EXT. BROADWAY — NEW YORK | NIGHT
It is raining like hell. Streams of water are flowing down dirty sidewalks. The Broadway neon signs are sizzling in the humid night.
Completely wet, Eddy is walking down the street.
…The rain's been pouring for a week now… You're probably wondering what I was doing? Well… I tried to get away from these terrible, lonely feelings. I was walking under these waterfalls in the stone alleys of New York City. I figured, it would be better to get wet, than to hang myself…
Eddy crosses the street. From the back, he sneaks up to another wet person in a raincoat. He barks at him.
EDDY (in Russian):
Comrade Slava, are you looking for a bordello or what?
Slava (40-ish, a Russian formalist poet, with an appearance of a movie star) jumps away, scared and recognizes his colleague, Eddy.
Go to hell, Eddy! I heard your wife had left you. Now, you are going around stalking honest people.
That's true. You wanna take a walk?
Our opinions differ as far as art is concerned. Your misfortune couldn't concern me, it would just bore me. It would interfere with my writing…
C'mon, lets go have a drink somewhere… I'm buying.
In that case, I think I'll be able to bear you, for while, Eddy Are you still writing about vagina?
Comrade Slava, pussy is serious stuff.
That's what you think, Eddy. But, I don't blame you. You envy me, because I was in the «Gulag» for ten years. You were not. You're probably thinking: «If I had spent 10 years in a communist prison, like Slava, I would have had enough material for a novel. This way, all I can do is fool around with petty bits»… I can tell that you feel that way. I see it in your eyes, Eddy!
Slava smiles triumphantly.
I knew it. It was so clear to me.
(Suddenly he becomes less irritable)
…And Helen left you, huh? I told you what my mom thought of her, didn't I, Eddy?
The two of them walk down the rainy street.
Eddy nods his head in approval.
My mom wrote to me: «Helena isn't fit to be an artist's wife». I gave you, her message. And, what did you do? You didn't trust my mom! Now, I'll write to her again. I'll tell her she was right. You wouldn't mind if I do that, would you?
No, why should I?
Eddy and Slava continue to walk in silence. Eddy smiles.
Slava's mother had been dead for ten years. In the handsome head of this Soviet «Gulagist», she lived on, quite comfortably. My friends, let's leave her there… Still insane about love, I didn't mind having a lunatic as company… I didn't even mind Slava's dead mother…
Slava stops in front of a run-down Indian restaurant.
Where are we going?
Liqueur stores are closed. My mother doesn't approve of my going to this Indian place… You won't tell her, would you?
Eddy shakes his head. The two of them enter the restaurant.
58. INT. INDIAN RESTAURANT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy and Slava are sitting in a corner of the empty restaurant.
Baba (30-ish, freakish Indian waiter) approaches them. He is cross-eyed. His one eye is moving around uncontrollably, while his thin body can be seen beneath a very dirty shirt. In an odd way, he is showing too much respect towards Slava.
Baba, bring us a bottle of «Four Roses»!
No left, sir. We out of «Four Roses» No whiskey.
If I were mayor, I'd have this place closed and sterilized with a blow-torch! How would you like your place sterilized with fire? Hugh, Baba?
Baba looks at Slava as if he worshipped him.
You much better guest than mayor, you respected guest! Baba has good wine for you, Bulgarian!
Slava looks at him if he were a worm, with extreme contempt.
Fine, bring it over!
Baba bows, again.
BABA (in very bad Russian):
Sczholzhenicin is illiterate, Slava's a first class literate!
With great effort Baba completes this sentence in Russian, bows, disappears behind the dirty curtain, separating the dining-room from the kitchen.
I'm trying to teach him Russian, but it's not going too well…
Baba rushes up with two bottles of cheap wine. The bottles are covered with dust, the labels are almost completely torn off.
Baba bows, grinning widely.
Eddy stares, shocked. He sticks his hand into his pocket. Slava grabs Eddy's hand and looks at the Indian furiously.
Slava looks at Eddy.
Give him five!
Eddy takes out a five-dollar bill. Slava takes it and looks at the Indian. He extends his other hand.
Baba places the bottles on the table and kisses Slava's left hand. Slava hands him the bill.
BABA (in bad Russian):
Thank you, thank you!
Slava is still holding one end of the bill, while Baba tries to take it.
This is not even worth those five bucks! I'll give you a dollar, and I'll break your face!
Is that O.K.?
Baba bows as he walks backwards.
BABA (in extremely bad Russian):
Kundera is nobody, Slava is genius!
This makes Slava happy. He grabs the bottles and looks at them with less disgust. He turns to Eddy.
One has to be strict with them! I remind him of some sort of Indian god. Who knows witch one?
How can you look like one off their gods, when they are fat and greasy?
I told you Eddy, educate yourself. Indian gods are Aryans, like you and me. You are talking about Buddha, who comes from the Mongol tribes.
Eddy sees the Indian peeping from behind the curtain. His eye gleams in the dimly-lit room.
Let's go drink this somewhere, outside. The rain stopped. Let's get some fresh air.
You're right! Did you notice, low-life is spying on us. I'd tell you what my new novel's about, but I'm afraid he'll steal my idea. He understands a lot, already. Lord knows, who he's working for!
Slava gets up noisily, goes towards the door. Eddy starts after him. Baba comes out of the kitchen, stops and grins at them.
You better watch it, if you poisoned this wine!
He wants to embalm me, and worship me all day long.
No way, you monster!
BABA (in bad Russian, laughing):
Baba stinks, but Slava smells nicely!
Slava turns to Eddy triumphantly.
You see?! He wants my head on a plate, but still he's smiling! What a creature!
The two of them leave the dump.
59. EXT. TIMES SQUARE — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Neon signs reflecting on wet pavements. Traffic is still heavy on Times square, although it is way past midnight.
Eddy and Slava are sitting on the side-walk. They are drinking wine straight from the bottle. One bottle is already empty.
Chris (20-ish, African-American ragged-looking bum) approaches them.
Hey brother, gotta smoke..?
Eddy and Slava look at each other. Eddy takes out a dollar-bill.
We're out of smokes. Here, go buy a pack and bring it here. There'll be some for you.
The black guy smiles, takes the money and leaves.
Eddy, what do you think you're doing?
A psychological test.
You're a crazy, Eddy, I can feel that you're a bad influence on me. You are destroying my perception of the human race, as good and kind, on purpose. My mother taught me that, along with good manners. Are you aware of the fact that if he doesn't come back, I'm going to beat you up?
Eddy sighs and drinks up.
I fully aware, comrade Slava.
How is your mom, anyway?
Instead of answering, Slava takes the bottle from Eddy.
Chris appears, waving, with the cigarette pack in his hand. He approaches them, opening the pack. He tosses the cigarette pack to Eddy.
Check this, mother… an honest man on Times Square! That is a bad sign… Something wicked is going to happen.
Slava looks at the black guy.
What's your name, my honest man?
The black guy grins.
Eddy smiles, offering him the wine bottle. Chris takes a swig.
You're a good person, Chris.
Eddy pats Chris on the cheek.
What are you doing, Eddy?
Eddy is checking Chris out.
EDDY (in Russian):
Slava, I'm gonna make love to this bum. I've decided to do it, and that's that!
Eddy kisses Chris on the mouth. Amazingly enough, Chris kisses him back. Eddy moves away from Chris.
Chris smiles, wipes off his mouth with his sleeve and slowly moves away from them.
Slava looks at Eddy, in shock.
SLAVA (in Russian):
You're a dirty homosexual, Eddy!
Slava gets up.
I can bear to hang out with a bad poet, but with a dirty Homo poet, no way! No way! I'll write to my mother about what has become of you, and we'll see what she has to say about that!
Eddy looks over at Chris, who is about to disappear into the crowd. Chris turns around and looks at him. Eddy gets up and follows.
I admit that it was a strange idea, but at the time it seemed appropriate and logical. It was a way to get revenge on the entire female population. To end with them in a revolutionary way. To spit at Helen and millions of her female friends. Laugh in their faces, tell them: «Ah, I don't need you. I don't need your beautiful long legs and that precious flower between them. This poor soul is better that all of you. More superior than all of you put together. Maybe, beneath his dirty shell, this bum has a heart and enough love for Eddy. Is this an illogical conclusion? What is to be done? Many logical ideas have ruined people, even killed them. Let's leave logic out of this…»
60. EXT. WEST 54 STREET — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Big crowd in front of Studio 54 Club, waiting to get in. Chris pushes his way into the crowd. He talks to some people, and sells small bundles to them.
Eddy follows him. Chris turns around, and looks at him in surprise.
Man, you must really want it bad!
Chris is obviously enjoying Eddy's company, but it is interfering with his business.
Limousines stop in front of the club frequently. The rich, famous and eccentric get out of them. They do not have to wait to get in.
Andy Warhol emerges with his entourage. They are entering the club. Among them, Eddy sees Helen with Johnny Larson. She is holding onto his arm. Maria Abramic is there, too.
The crowd gets excited with Warhol's appearance. They start to applaud. The guy and the gal next to Eddy, obviously Mid-Westerners, are trying to recognize the famous people. They recognize Larson.
Johnny Larson, in the flesh… Well, I'll be… Who's the blonde next to him?
That's Helen, my wife…
The couple stares at him, blankly.
A few feet away, Chris hands over a packet of coke to a young homosexual, who pays him. Homo is admiring Warhol.
Jesus, Andy, the walking legend!
Is that the one who said we're all gonna be famous for 15 minutes? I can't even come in 15 minutes, white boy!
Homo looks at Chris in astonishment.
Eddy goes up to Chris, noticeably upset. He hugs and kisses him.
Chris tries to break away from his iron grip, astounded by Eddy's desperation. While Eddy is drooling on him, the Mid-Western couple stares at them.
Not here, man… I am working now, don't do it! Chill out for a while!
Chris starts to leave. Eddy follows him, a few feet behind.
61. EXT. 8TH AVENUE — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Chris is walking in front of Eddy, who is following him like an obedient dog. Suddenly, Chris disappears around the corner. Eddy looks for him. Chris enters a peep show.
62. INT. PEEP-SHOW — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Chris is mumbling something to the cashier (30-ish, fat, tattooed, ex-Hell's Angel). They both look at Eddy.
The cashier motions his head towards Eddy. Eddy comes closer. The cashier takes a few chips, gives them to Eddy. He gestures to Eddy to go into a peep-show cabin.
Go in, have fun! And don't jerk off too much, it's not good for you!
63. INT. LINE OF CABINS, PEEP-SHOW — NEW YORK | NIGHT
The peep-show acts are lined up in front of their cabins. One with a python, wrapped around her body, one with a sheep, one in S&M outfit… etc.
Eddy enters a cabin next to which the prettiest girl was standing.
64. INT. CABIN, PEEP-SHOW — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Inside the cabin, Eddy inserts the chip. The metal bar with the curtain lifts. Soft music is heard. The girl motions to him to pick up the receiver.
Eddy points to her underwear, motioning to her to take it off. The girl turns her back to Eddy. She takes off her underwear and starts to play with herself. Eddy can tell by the motions, it is male masturbation. He stares, in surprise. Eddy realizes that it is a transvestite.
A hand pulls Eddy out of the cabin. It is Chris. He turns to leave, Eddy follows him.
You should've seen the one with the goose! That's the House Special!
65. EXT. 8TH AVENUE — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy is following Chris around the worst dumps of the Times Square, much like «Alice following the white rabbit».
Chris goes from one group to another, mumbling with them. Eddy's company obviously embarrasses him.
I told you to wait for me! And don't look at me! Pretend you don't know me! You're screwing up my business, man!
66. EXT. PARKING LOT, EAST 42ND STREET — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Chris has an argument with a group of black guys. Chris is yelling at them. He pushes one of them. They scream and threaten him, as they start to push him around.
…There's no fucking around with Chris… You know who I am?
BLACK GUY 1:
You're a fag! You fuck-ass, man, that's what you are! Now, we're all gonna fuck you… line up, brothers!
First I'm gonna do some practice on your black mamas, you get what I'm saying?! No fucking around with Chris?
Eddy takes a huge knife out of his boot, and starts towards the group. One of them sees Eddy.
BLACK GUY 2:
Check out, Conan, the barbarian! Yo, Chris, he your brother?
BLACK GUY 1:
Yeah, …sure thing! His ma screwed with whiteys! We're not doing business with you no more, Chris. C'mon, let's split!
The group leaves, yelling out threats.
Chris is fascinated by Eddy's behavior. It is obvious that all of it had an aphrodisiac effect on him. Chris stares at him in silence for a while.
67. EXT. ENTRANCE, OFFICE BUILDING — NEW YORK | DAWN
The doorman is standing in front of the entrance, stretching.
Chris and Eddy sneak in, behind his back.
68. INT. STAIRCASE, OFFICE BUILDING — NEW YORK | DAWN
Chris quietly takes Eddy up into his «love-nest», a hiding place at the top of the staircase. A floor to ceiling window reveals a magnificent view of Times Square. The nearby door leads to the roof. There is a large sleeping bag hidden in the recess.
Eddy is watching Chris straighten out the sleeping bag on the floor.
Welcome to my home!
Chris starts to take his clothes off.
…You think I was gonna give up, run away? Maybe I'm gonna make you sick, but my dear friends, I have to admit… at that moment I was happy. Deserted and humiliated for months, now I had a man standing in front of me, and he was willing to devote me some… attention. Chris was life's weapon, life itself. Everything that wasn't pure indifference seemed like love to me. If I were to use the word «love», would you understand me? I don't think so. …
What's up, white boy? You chickened out? You wanted to make love… C'mon now!
Chris helps Eddy to undress while they start to kiss.
I want you…
They start to kiss more and more passionately.
69. INT./EXT. OFFICE BUILDING, TIMES SQUARE — N.Y. | MORNING
The awakening of Times Square. The morning rush-hour is beginning.
Next to the big window, Chris is taking Eddy from behind. Eddy is in the same position as Helen was, when they were making love in front of the TV. While enjoying what Chris is doing to him, through the glass-wall, Eddy is watching the decent citizens of America rush to work. Eddy looks to the camera.
…Look here, morality does exist, there are decent and honest people in this world, offices and banks, decent beds and linen, in which decent men and women sleep. But here, on the top of Babylon, it was only us — the world's deserted children…
Eddy closes his eyes, Chris pushes harder and harder.
Times Square morning rush hour is at peak.
70. INT. STAIRCASE, OFFICE BUILDING — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy is resting on Chris' chest. Chris is stroking his hair.
…It's hard for you to watch this… But why is affection between Mr. Brando and Miss Schneider, Mr. Bogart and Mrs. Beckol, worthier than this? In a good restaurant, while sipping good, cold white wine, you'll chatter about equal rights. Then, why isn't all love the same to you? Nobody needed me, for months nobody even looked at me. Nobody even touched me, black or white. I felt his black hand in my hair, his whispering. I felt tears rolling down my face… Bogart doesn't cry, but Eddy-baby, when he's happy or sad, he shows. That's the way it is.
My boy, my baby!
EDDY (through tears):
My name's Eddy, I'm alone in this world… You'll love me… You will love me?
Take it easy baby, take it easy…
Eddy closes his eyes and falls asleep.
71. INT. STAIRCASE, OFFICE BUILDING — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy wakes up. Nobody around. Chris is gone.
Eddy sees an unopened pack of Marlboro's, a ten-dollar bill, and a peep-show chip, next to him. He smiles. From beneath, the city murmur reaches him.
72. INT. PEEP-SHOW — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy places the chip into the slot. Behind the glass window, an Asian transvestite with a goose in his hands.
He pets it, grins widely at Eddy, and bows.
Eddy is watching the act. There is reflection on the glass, the goose is clapping it's wings, squeaking.
The Roxy Music's song, «Love is the Drug» in the background.
Eddy grins, as if loosing his mind.
The following title appears on a black background:
5. The Russians
73. EXT. ALLEY/ CHINATOWN — NEW YORK | DAY
A filthy, greasy back alley in Chinatown.
Eddy appears out of a cloud of kitchen steam. He is busy going through the garbage cans in the back of a Chinese restaurant. Eddy has a ten-day beard, dirty clothes. Obviously, he has been living on the streets for some time.
In your movies, when somebody hits rock bottom, but completely low, you usually show him going through the garbage cans. Searching for a bite or two… I don't agree with that! First of all…
Eddy takes out a full, not even opened box of TV dinner: «In The Mood — Gourmet Entrees, Homestile Chicken». He studies it carefully.
…Most Americans consume trash, anyway… the only difference is that they don't take it out of the garbage. They pay for it… Second, I'm sick of your stereotypes. Why is a man, going through the trash, a low-life? Maybe he's happy. Maybe he's coming up with an epoch-making invention. And you..? You're mowing your lawns to satisfy your neighbors. You're bored out of your minds! But, you won't show that in your movies…
Suddenly, a van backs into the alley. Almost knocking Eddy down.
Eddy starts to curse in Russian. He recognizes the driver. It is Kyril, his old friend.
Kyril, owns a van, and is an extreme racist. African-Americans he calls «Darkies». Even with his compatriots Kyril doesn't want to speak Russian.
EDDY (in Russian):
Hi, Kyril! What's up, compatriot!
Kyril steps out of the van. He looks Eddy over, with disdain. He constantly speaks English, ignoring the fact that Eddy has started to talk to him in Russian.
Look at you, man! What is wrong with you?
Eddy looks at the remaining rags that he's wearing. It used to be his beautiful, white suit.
EDDY (in Russian):
Like a bum, huh?
You can bet on it. If you wanna make it in America, Eddy — you gotta speak American.
O.K. pal, so what's up?
Kyril looks around and sees a rusty truck engine.
Aha! Get a load of what the chinks are throwing away. Wealthy America has spoiled them rotten, huh?
You're probably right…
Kyril pats his back with his big hand.
Of course I am! Help me load this. Maybe we'll find a job for you, pal! C'mon, artist, spit in your hands, and start loading!
74. INT./EXT. VAN, STREETS — NEW YORK | DAY
Kyril is driving Eddy in his van.
You intellectuals can't enjoy America, really. What's to be done? To somebody this country is a mother, to some a stepmother… You grab fate by the balls, and… pow! — you own a van! You give fate a finger-job… and what? You own a moving company!
And, if you kiss it?
Kyril looks at him puzzled.
Kyril laughs out loudly.
You kiss her, she shoves a finger up your ass! Be tough, think positive, like Americans, pal. Back home, you were an important person, a respected poet. But I… I was a train conductor, a piece of shit… and look at me now!
Are you an important person, here?
Don't fuck with me, Eddy. Don't bite the hand that will put food on your table! Think positive, motherfucker! You haven't learned anything in your new homeland, have you? Nothing, zilch!
Kyril laughs and pats him on the shoulder. Eddy smiles at him.
The van goes down the street.
75. EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF KYRIL'S APARTMENT | DAY
Kyril parks the van on a street. They get out. Eddy realizes they are in Harlem.
Kyril's apartment used to be a store. The entrance is protected with barricades and barbed wire.
Kyril clears a path to a metal door. He takes out a big key and puts it in the lock. He notices Eddy observing his security measures.
It's a version of the Hitler's bunker: «Wolf Trap». Only smaller, get it? Mighty, ugh? It's not that I'm doing it because I don't know what else to do with my time. You need that here, bro!
Kyril points to a group of black teen-agers fooling around in an old, beat-up car. He spits.
The «Darkies», motherfucking bastards, wherever they are, there's danger, bro! They are a threat to this planet. Pollution problem! I'd use all of them to fill in the ozone hole. That's all they're good for, motherfuckers!
Kyril unlocks the metal door, opens it up. He lets Eddy go in first.
Eddy takes a few steps. Suddenly, a huge German Shepherd attacks him.
Kyril starts to laugh like crazy. Then, he turns to the dog.
Wayne, stop it!
Eddy is glued to the wall, staring at the dog. Wayne is still growling at him.
Kyril goes to the dog, and pets him. Wayne licks his hand.
Waynushka is a «White dog». That's what they call him here. He bites only «Darkies». As far as whites are concerned, he's very smart. He'd give them a blow-job. I don't know why he attacked you! He must have smelled something shitty on you. Maybe you have a «Darkie» friend…
Kyril smiles, but looks at Eddy kind of suspiciously.
I know a couple of them…
Kyril notices that the floor of his incredibly messy apartment is covered with Wayne's runny secretion. He picks up an empty can of motor oil. The dog had bitten through it.
Fuck it! The shit head ate my motor oil!
(he turns to the dog)
Wayne, pal, why are you acting towards uncle Kyril as if he were a «black-ass»?
Eddy is observing the apartment. There are truck parts, everywhere.
KYRIL (to Eddy):
Hey, brother, go wash up. Clean yourself, and get ready. I'm gonna take you out. We'll talk about business on the way.
76. INT. BATHROOM, KYRIL'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
Eddy finds more truck parts in the sink and bathtub. They are soaking in engine oil. He carefully turns on the faucet and washes his face.
Kyril enters. He is wearing shorts, shirt and beach towel around his neck, everything covered with John Wayne pictures.
Nice outfit, brother! You got one like that for your dog, too?
Kyril acts like he does not hear Eddy. He grabs some water mixed with engine oil out of the bathtub, and slicks back his hair. He looks at himself in the mirror.
When I put that truck together, bro, the company will be working on high-speed!
Kyril, you capitalist motherfucker!
77. INT./EXT. VAN, STREETS — NEW YORK | DAY
Kyril drives Eddy down the streets of Harlem.
And so… Kyril and I went to pick up a few other unfortunate compatriots. Back in the homeland, they were famous people. Unlike Kyril who was a Soviet zero. I suppose it was the reason he picked ex-famous people to associate with. I had nothing against his revenge, the revenge of a small Soviet train conductor. On the contrary, I found some kind of justice in all of that… give fate a finger-job, brother Kyril.
78. EXT. STREET — NEW YORK | DAY
The van stops at a corner.
Alexander (40-ish, an ex-Soviet TV star, once obviously very handsome, now a man that has let himself go) is standing across the street. He is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and has a beach towel over his shoulder. Under his arm he is holding a beach-ball.
Alexander hasn't noticed the van. He is occupied with a group of Puerto Rican teen-agers who are messing around with him.
Maricon… you don't know the way to Acapulco?
Alexander is looking at them, confused and a bit scared. He grips the ball more tightly.
Sorry… I can't help you… I don't know…
Eddy and Kyril are watching the scene. Kyril spits.
The most popular individual on Soviet television… Can't even handle a few Puertos. Did you see that, Eddy? Shameful!
Kyril waves to Alexander, yells out.
Alexander! Hey, TV star… throw that ball over here!
Alexander sees them, waves happily. He crosses the street. Teen-agers sneer and giggle.
Alexander gets into the van. They pull away. Kyril finds a large screw under his seat and throws it at the Puertos. It hits one of them. He screams out in pain.
KYRIL (to Puertos, shouting):
Hurts, eh? Pabla e Russian, amigo?
79. INT./EXT. VAN, STREETS — NEW YORK | DAY
Alexander smiles at Eddy.
ALEXANDER (in Russian):
So… how are you, Eddy?
EDDY (in Russian):
The same as you…
Alexander nods his head. Kyril butts in.
What's up with you people? We're going to the beach to have fun, drink… and you? What do you do? You put on those long faces… you speak in Russian. Not good! Sorrow — NYET! FUN, only fun! Pure American fun is all we need.
Kyril turns to Alexander, on the back seat.
The only Russian I want to hear from you is «VREMYA»!
Nahh… I'm not really into it…
C'mon, c'mon, my heart is weeping with nostalgia for the USSR!
Kyril sings the first part of the theme song in a hoarse, untalented voice. The song belonged to the Soviet central information TV program, «VREMYA».
Alexander shrugs and coughs a bit.
ALEXANDER (TV voice, in Russian):
Good evening, dear viewers. Today is a day of accomplishments in our economy. The workers of the «Zaporozhec Combine Harvester» from Donyednyeprovska have introduced an innovation in production. The innovation is the fruit of two years of collective labor…
Kyril is rolling with laughter. Eddy is smiling.
80. INT. BATHROOM, COMMUNAL APARTMENT — MOSCOW | EVENING
The speakers voice continues from the TV set.
…Telegrams of support for the heroes of socialist work are arriving from all parts of the country. Let's read this one that has come from Kolhoz «Vlazimir Giljic», in Chechenia. «Dear comrades, even though our are jobs are different, the goal is the same…»
Helen is standing in front of a mirror in a communal bathroom. She is putting on make-up.
The bathroom walls are half painted in a sick, oily green color. The other, upper half of the wall is wet and moldy.
Loud protests at the bathroom door interfere with the voice from TV.
MALE VOICE (off):
Helena Sergeyevna, you're not on the Czars' court! Now, if it were a holiday or something I'd understand, but this way… really..!
FEMALE VOICE (off):
…Every day is a holiday to them, those good-for-nothing bums — Artists!
Helen sighs. She closes her lipstick and opens the bathroom door. The group of furious tenants are waiting in front of the door.
I haven't gone over my time. So comrade Yeftushenko, you don't have the right to make a fuss!
Yeftushenko (60-ish,a retired lieutenant of the KGB) is the loudest one. He looks at his watch.
I do. My Sputnik watch says, ten minutes have been taken away from someone's time, say for example, mine. That time is for my physiological — hygienic needs! Now, leave the sanitary area, at once!
Helen is furious. She goes back into the bathroom and starts to pull the mirror off the wall, wildly.
Oh, yeah? Since you only use the bathroom to shit in it, I'll take this!
She finally pulls the mirror off the wall. Clenching it tightly, she pushes her way through the crowd of upset tenants.
No, miss… that's against the rules! You cannot take things that belong to all!
Helen stops in front of the door to her room.
Well, it doesn't not anymore! Now it's mine! Only mine!
81. INT. ROOM, COMMUNAL APARTMENT — MOSCOW | EVENING
Helen enters the room, closes the door behind her.
Eddy is lying on the bed, in a modest room, watching an old black and white TV. Alexander is the newscaster, ten years younger, still reading telegrams of support.
Helen puts the mirror on the floor and smiles. She giggles dancing around the mirror.
We should celebrate «Zaporozhec Factory» accomplishments, and mine, too, in front of our new mirror!
Helen takes off her small, white panties and sits on Eddy who, is still watching Alexander on TV. She tries to look at herself in the mirror.
…The collective, «Milk and Milk Products» from Zakavkazje, has reached an incredible level of per capita milk production… More importantly, it makes us happy to know that the cows in question are ordinary Soviet cows, not imported ones, the «Simental», or «Yuthorn» type…
On TV, fat, happy, proud, manly-looking, mustached women are milking the cows.
Eddy is making love to Helen, whispering into her ear.
…Dear Soviet citizens, wait 'til you see Eddy-babys' incredible level of per capita semen production! Too bad it's not gonna be on your TV sets..!
On TV, a big, content cow turns to the camera, and stares at it.
82. INT. CHIPPENDALE'S CLUB — NEW YORK | DAY
The male strip-tease club is full of excited women.
A weight-lifting competition is shown on the center stage big screen. It is the re-run of the 1968 Olympic Games.
On screen, a huge, handsome, blonde Russian lifts an incredible amount of weight, after which he receives a gold medal.
Naum (30-ish, a good-hearted giant), the same guy from the screen, now ten years older, appears on the stage dancing only in thong underwear. He has three Olympic medals around his neck, and a Russian fur hat on his head.
A chubby, hysterical woman places a ten dollar bill into his underwear, at the same time casually rubbing the bulge in it.
Eddy is peeking behind the stage curtain. He is watching his friend in amazement. Eddy waves, trying to catch Naum's attention. Naum finally gets the message.
The Soviet anthem starts. Eddy sings along the first verse and then leaves the club.
Naum quickly completes his act and steps off the stage. Another man takes his place.
83. EXT. STREET, IN FRONT OF THE CLUB — NEW YORK | DAY
Naum leaves the club, still wearing only the thong, holding onto his clothes and bag. A picture of Naum with a sign: «The Russian Olympic Stallion» is on the poster-board in front of the club. When they recognize Naum, the women waiting in line to get into the club go crazy.
Naum goes to the van, lifts the rear end of it, a foot of the ground. The women in line applaud and scream.
Hey comrades, long time no see?
Kyril steps on the gas, while Naum is still holding the rear end of the van. Naum stumbles after it, cursing. The women in line, laugh and yell.
Naum runs after the van and jumps into the open, back door.
84. EXT. HIGHWAY — NEW YORK | DAY
The van, in a full speed, passes by a watermelon stand.
A couple of cars are parked near by. People are buying watermelons from a stand, which is actually a back of a truck.
The van, full of Russians, runs in reverse.
85. INT./EXT. VAN, HIGHWAY — NEW YORK | DAY
Kyril is driving on the highway, entire back of his van is full of watermelons. Eddy and Alexander are sitting on them. With their knives, they are cutting the watermelon tops off, pouring vodka into the melons, slowly.
Something is wrong with the country where you can't get decently drunk in a public place! That's gotta be a viscous place, not fit for a man!
Man, oh, man! Quit talking about the problems of mankind… Cut the crap, and let's sing!
In his untalented voice, Kyril starts to sing the Russian song «Volga, Volga», very loudly.
86. EXT. BRIGHTON BEACH — NEW YORK | DAY
The beach is full of poor families with many children. There are countless boom-boxes, all playing different music. People are grilling loads of food.
There are countless life-guard stands. Every now and then, a whistle is heard. All is under control.
Eddy, Kyril, Alexander and Naum are playing volleyball. The ball bounces off Eddy's head and rolls over to a nearby group of black kids. They are all of different ages.
Tiny, black kid catches it. He is grinning.
Eddy smiles, as he approaches the kid.
The kid clutches the ball without moving. The entire group is silently watching.
EDDY (to the kid, politely):
Give uncle Eddy the ball!
Fuck off, cock-sucker!
Other kids start to laugh. Naum goes up to Eddy.
What is it, Eddy? Take the ball.
(To the kid)
Son, give us the ball!
Kyril comes closer, looks at the kid furiously.
Yo, coal-ass, give me the fucking ball, or I'll tear your head off!
A few men get up quietly. A fat, black woman gets up, as well.
What did you call that child, you white faggot?
What's up, fat-ass?
Eddy tries to calm everyone down. He goes up to the black woman.
Excuse me, ma'am, all we want is…
Eddy never completes his sentence. With her fist, she hits Eddy in the head, as hard as she can. Eddy falls into the sand, unconscious.
Naum and Kyril move towards the parents.
Life-guard blows the whistle like crazy, and yells out.
People, stop the fight! Police is coming!
True enough, a police-officer on horse-back arrives.
The group of parents disappears into the crowd, cursing.
The kid with the ball runs down the beach.
Alexander helps Eddy get up. Kyril stares after the kid.
Will somebody, grab the kid!
Let him go, forget the ball!
(irritated — first time in Russian)
It's not the ball… It's not the ball in question!
Kyril yells out, runs after the kid like a lunatic. He jumps over people, bumping into them.
Naum looks after him, shakes his head.
NAUM (in Russian):
He’s fast, the devil!
(to Kyril, laughing)
Get him, Champion!
Eddy touches his eye. Alexander looks at him.
Sorry about the ball…
There’s no way he’ll get him…
Eddy's group starts towards their spot on the beach, underneath the boardwalk.
Eddy looks at the life-guard who's blowing his whistle, as usual.
Comrades, you come to America and you end up in America's concentration camp for the poor!
Kyril runs up to them, out of breath and red in the face. Eddy, Alexander and Naum stop and stare at him.
Triumphantly, Kyril lifts a green and white ball. He wants to say something, but he can't. He is completely out of breath.
ALEXANDER (in surprise):
But, that's not our ball!
Kyril catches his breath.
KYRIL (hardly breathing):
Same shit..! I took it from another… small piece of crap. Let them… handle the details… important thing is… justice has been served!
The group reaches their place under the boardwalk.
87. EXT. UNDER THE BOARDWALK — BRIGHTON BEACH | DUSK
Eddy, Kyril, Alexander and Naum, drunk with watermelon-vodka, are lying on the almost deserted, littered beach.
Pieces of watermelons are scattered everywhere.
…The gray ocean and the sand, the plucked sea-gulls, the plucked people in the distance, they were all a sad sight… All of it was covered with some kind of thick sorrow, the kind that makes you want to take a weapon and… No… I was just describing a feeling. Such an action would make sorrow disappear, for a while… I envied my friends. They all wanted something… something materialistic… The only thing that could make my life complete was The Love, or The Grand Idea…
Your pal, Mao Zedong died yesterday…
A great man… he had The Grand Idea.
He lived, lived… and died.
What do you mean — fuck him? Do you even know, who Chairman Mao was?
Great, my ass! He was a yellow «Darkie» who made a billion of yellow «Darkies» unhappy. Fuck him!
You think people are happy here? That they are…
KYRIL (interrupts Eddy):
If you want to work for me, three things are forbidden; Communist shit-heads, black shit-heads, and yellow shit-heads…
…And the natural right of a working man to go on strike?
My dick, he can! If a man wants to strike, let him watch silent Soviet movies!
Strike in America… Listen to this, my friends… Two years ago I worked in a small repair shop on Cony Island… I made friends with two guys who I worked with. One was black, and the other a Puerto Rican…
Great company, brother!
Kyril, let the man talk!
…You know that in America no one is supposed to discuss his own wages. But, once, on Friday, we went for drinks. After a couple of shots, we told each other how much we earn. Sure enough, for the same work, we received different pay… Shitty injustice, we decided…
Naum swallows a large piece of watermelon. He is obviously drunk.
Injustice, that's right!
Kyril doesn't agree, but he obviously does not want to pick a fight with Naum.
…So we drink up, hug, and agree to go on strike… The next day, we show up with hang-overs and we sit in front of the shop, cursing the boss. After a while, the boss comes in. He sees that we're not working, and he gets really pissed…
And… you gave him shit?
…The black guy says:
(imitates the black guy)
«Boss, it's my stomach that's giving me problems… I just need to rest for a while, and I'll be working just like Uncle Tom and bla, bla…»
Now, it looked to me something was wrong… Puerto Rican says:
(imitates Puerto Rican)
«My wife, Cecilia, the whore, left me. I'm depressed, but in half an hour I'll feel better, and I'll be as diligent and productive as Fidel Castro and bla, bla»
Eddy, Kyril and Naum laugh.
Then he comes up to me:
(imitates Italian accent)
«O.K. Mr. Communism, what's your problem?»
I get up proudly: «Boss, we're fighting injustice, we are on strike!»
(imitates Italian accent)
«Get out of here, asshole! This isn't your god-damn communist homeland, this is a civilized country».
The other two laugh like crazy… They made a fool out of me…
Naum and Eddy are not laughing anymore. They're all quiet.
The blacks are the biggest polluters of the cosmos… It's all because of them!
Who'd believe you back home? How can you explain to someone in Moscow that you're still a nothing, even if you own a car. Here, you can buy a car for $100? And when you buy one, what does that make you? — «A piece of shit, on wheels!»
Eddy gets up, drunk, barely able to stand.
EDDY (yelling out):
Listen up, comrades! Let's start robbing and murdering..! Let's organize The Russian Mafia! Let's start a revolution..! Let's beat this indifference, all around us!
On the board-walk, a couple strollers, look at Eddy.
EDDY (yelling out):
…Give me a machine gun! Hey brothers, give me a Kalashnikov!
Eddy crawls up a boardwalk wooden post, and stands up on the railing.
EDDY (yelling out):
…People of America, wake up! It's time that the yoke of capitalist tyranny be thrown off..! Wake up and grab your weapons..! Wake up!
The bum, who had been sleeping by the boardwalk fence, opens up his eyes and curses.
Without paying attention, a few people walk by.
A little girl, taking a walk with her father, turns around.
Look dad… a lunatic!
Eddy stares at the little girl, then jumps back down on the sand, disappointed.
Kyril spits, looking at Eddy with disgust. He gets up, goes to the van.
Carrying the largest watermelon, and a tape recorder plying «Saturday Night Fever», Kyril returns to his gang.
This is gonna wake you up, Eddy! Did you hear music like this in the USSR?
Kyril starts to imitate Travolta, ridiculously twisting his fat ass and pointing his arms in the air.
FUN, FUN, FUN!
Kyril throws a watermelon at Naum. Naum laughs and breaks it open, with his fist. He takes a piece and starts to suck on it wildly. He gets up and joins Kyril, and so do Eddy and Alexander.
They all go back to the van and bring more watermelons.
They start to play volley-ball with the huge vodka-filled watermelons. Pieces of it fly everywhere. They are all covered with watermelon juice and pits.
The last of the boardwalk strollers look at them, amazed.
Russians line up in a chorus line, as in a crazy cabaret. They imitate John Travolta's «Saturday Night Fever» dance.
The music from the tape fades away, but they do not pay attention. Instead, their dance becomes the Kazachok, a Russian dance.
The beach is completely deserted. Only the sound of waves breaking is heard. The moon comes out and starts to cast light onto the beach and dancers, like a disco-ball.
The following title appears on a black background:
6. The Fourth of July
88. INT. STAIRCASE, APARTMENT BUILDING — N.Y. | DAY
Eddy and Alexander are carrying a dresser, down a narrow staircase. Their faces are covered with sweat.
ALEXANDER (barely breathing, TV voice):
…Small but harmonious group of laborers of the capitalist «The K.Wayne's Moving Company» had exceeded its targets by 300%…
You're a complete idiot, Alexander. Now, I can honestly tell you that Helen and I screwed, listening to your bull-shit on TV!
Alexander pushes the dresser onto Eddy, on purpose.
Of course, I made her want it. All women were in love with me, back home..!
Eddy pushes the dresser at Alexander, and pins him to the staircase railing.
Quite possible. Russian women are snobs!
American, as well! Give me a talk show here, and you'll get all the woman you can handle!
On the top of the staircase, Kyril is signing some papers for the customer. He looks at Eddy, Naum and Alexander with a sneer.
Naum is carrying a safe strong-box, all by himself. He is in his beach trunks, running down the stairs, singing.
ALEXANDER (TV voice):
…Dear viewers, the three times Olympic winner, Naum Pjatnikov, enters our track. His discipline: «Idiot Lift and Run». And, he is very good at it. He wants to wear out his friends with his…
Kyril comes down and interrupts Alexander.
Employees in my company are not allowed to talk while they work. Especially not in Russian. I don't want the customers to think that you're cursing them, or that you're planning to steal something. Keep quiet! I'll tell them you're a bit retarded, and I won't be lying all that much, will I?
Comrades, that's how it works in America!
Kyril goes down the stairs, laughing.
Alexander and Eddy have somehow managed to get the dresser through.
He's bull-shitting! He'll never become an American. He is a Russian precisely because he won't admit that he is one!
Eddy and Alexander are hauling the dresser down the stairs. Alexander is cursing.
…"Work and Order", I thought — that was all a man needed. The Nazis were not that stupid… Before entering New York City, there should be a bill-board sign saying: «Arbeit macht frei» or «Work Makes You Free»… Being a working man made me free from bad thoughts… that, and a couple of beers, now and then. That's just the way it is it…
89. INT. LUXURIOUS APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
A luxurious apartment with glass walls, over-looking Central Park.
Two piles of stuff in the huge living-room. There are name labels on everything.
Divorced couple can be heard from the kitchen. They're calmly bargaining over things.
MALE VOICE (off):
…Let's see, pressure cooker, quantity — one, a wedding gift from my side of the family.
FEMALE VOICE (off):
Your very distant family…
MALE VOICE (off):
That doesn't change a thing. It doesn't matter how distant they are. The fact that they are my family, makes this automatically mine…
Eddy enters the living-room, picks up a coffee-table that has a label with the name — Johnny written on it.
As I started to heal inside, concepts in my mind started to change… The horrible, beastly indifference of the Westerner now had a different name, it was called «civilized behavior»… I felt that an invisible surgeon was about to enter my heart and soul. He was sharpening the blade of his instrument. I called happily to him… Cut my soul, why the fuck do I need it anyway..? Reason is all you need in this place, Eddy-baby! Civilized behavior and reason, that's all… Simple!
Eddy exits with the coffee-table.
90. EXT. IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING — NEW YORK | DAY
A truck is parked in front of the building. The truck is obviously homemade, Kyril's work of art. Each part of it looks as if it is in the wrong place. There is a sign on each side of the truck:
«K.Wayne Moving Company — Certified Olympic Speed Movers».
Eddy loads the table on the truck. Alexander is in the truck, moving the things around, in order to make more space.
Did you see the woman that bastard's about to leave?
No… but, I can't believe that Kyril changed his last name to Wayne…
Alexander shrugs. Eddy leaves the truck.
Kyril is cleaning the sign on his homemade truck, with a rag. The sign looks much better then the rest of the truck.
KYRIL (to himself):
…Spoiled assholes. All these useful things thrown away… that's OK, Kyril Wayne will wait and watch for them… and Kyril Wayne will find them. New York will be full of «K.Wayne Moving Company» trucks!
91. INT. LUXURIOUS APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DAY
Johnny Larson and his ex-wife (40-ish, a bit worn out, attractive intellectual) are in the living-room. Each of them has a list in their hands. They are very polite towards each other.
Artifact number 232. An African tribal mask… Note: «From our honey-moon in Zambia»… Mine…
Eddy enters the living-room. He walks across the room, bends over the piles. He picks up a Russian Babushka-doll that he finds there. It is the same doll that once belonged to him and his wife Helen. It is peeled at the same spot.
Larson turns to Eddy.
Put that on my pile, please… Wait a minute, who are you? You look familiar.
Eddy recognizes the man. He is about to say something.
EX-WIFE (to Eddy):
Just a moment!
(she looks at her husband with an icy smile)
You can't have it all, my dear. That error I'll attribute to your association with that Slavic whore…
Larson smiles at her.
That's a very racist attitude, darling…
Put it on her pile…
Eddy does not react to his last order. He silently squeezes the Babushka-doll in his hands. It opens up, and a smaller doll falls out of it.
The ex-wife lifts it up, surprised. She opens it up, sees another even smaller doll inside. She looks at her list of things.
Artifact 244, a crude and vulgar souvenir from Communist Russia, the homeland of the perverted individual that has destroyed the Larson marriage. Quantity — one!
(she looks at her ex-husband)
It's your list, of course. As far as the quantity is concerned…
How many bastard — dolls are in that thing's intestines?
Seven of them… I believe…
The woman looks at him with an evil smile.
I think we have a problem here…
Eddy is holding the other half of the Babushka-doll as he leaves the room.
Passing through the hallway, Eddy sees two children in two separate rooms, watching their own TV-sets. Their toys and things are sorted into two separate piles, as well. They are watching TV as if hypnotized. On both TV-sets, same song by T.Rex: «I like Rolls Royce, it's good for my voice…».
Eddy goes to the empty bedroom. With the Babushka-doll in his hand, he lies down on the sheetless bed.
This is what it's about… Obviously Helen had ruined him as well, but he's not crying like Eddy, the clown… The dignified American man takes a few blows, and he's off the hook… I have to admit that I envy the bastard because of the way he is! He's thick skinned… I asked myself, how can Eddy, the cry-baby become like that… the answer was: I had to find an American woman… A smart, rational, little tramp. To give myself to her completely, and ask for nothing in return. Break my shitty will, you perfect American woman! I'm so desperate to have you, I could cry!
Eddy stretched out on the bed. He throws the Babushka-doll into the corner.
92. INT. LIVING-ROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | DAY
A pile of things in the middle of another living-room. A couple of suitcases, and a few boxes of books.
Alexander and Eddy enter the room and pick up things.
Rosana (30-ish, a chubby, attractive, red-haired woman), hurriedly emerges from the hallway.
(running towards him)
Excuse me, sir… Just a moment!
Eddy is standing there, while Rosana is going through the books, one by one. Alexander leaves the room, with a box.
ROSANA (mumbling to herself):
This one's mine, so is this one, and this one…
Eddy is observing her with an almost love-sick look.
A real American woman with a healthy feeling for private ownership… My dear, you didn't know it yet, but you were to be the first American woman that Eddy-baby would…
Rosana takes a few more books out of the box. Now it is half-empty. The rest of it is in her hands.
Can you imagine? He ate My bread, slept in My bed, watched My TV, and look at this now…
Eddy is fascinated.
EDDY (in Russian):
I love you!
Rosana looks at him in surprise. She completes her sentence in Russian.
ROSANA (in Russian):
…He wanted to steal My books!
Rosana puts the books on the floor, not taking her eyes of Eddy.
ROSANA (in English):
I studied Russian, I'm doing my Ph.D. on Yesenjin…
She starts to recite one of Yesenjin's poems, in Russian.
ROSANA (reciting in Russian):
They cry, shout
and drink, again.
The accordion spills
its yellow sadness.
Cursing the troubles
that beat them,
Eddy is watching her. Rosana is confused. She blushes.
ROSANA (desperately, loudly):
What? Is my accent so bad? I didn't mean to bore you…
Eddy is staring at her, smiling.
By God, you'll be miiiine!
93. INT. LIVING-ROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | NIGHT
Eddy and Rosana are seated at the dining-table. Romantic dinner is on, even the candles are lit.
In front of Eddy, there is food, the size and shape of a small piece of shit, on one leaf of green salad. Eddy stares into the plate, then at Rosana.
I don't eat much… but I love to cook. I believe that my cooking is sophisticated. In Russia, people eat a lot… Do you eat a lot?
I eat minimally.
For a few moments, it is silence.
Rosana lifts the fork with a miniature amount of food on it, but she doesn't eat it. Still holding the fork…
As far as our future relationship is concerned…
Rosana places the small piece of meat daintily in to her mouth, and continues to talk.
…We should discuss a few things.
O.K. Let's discuss them.
Sex usually ruins a genuine, friendly relationship. Eddy, why can't we just be friends?
Eddy still stares at his plate, and says nothing.
You, a Russian soul, surely understand these things…
Rosana looks at him, a bit scared.
I hope you don't think that I'm too eccentric…
Eddy takes everything from his plate and eats all of it at once. It is not a hard task. He smiles at her.
Your dinner is delicious!
Rosana smiles shyly and chews her tiny bite of food.
…The situation had started off well — I was satisfied. A human, civilized conversation, right? A typical American woman, behaving typically American. I was only hoping that her appetite for love is stronger than her appetite for food… But, after months and months of chaos, she inspired confidence. The shameful blissfulness of predictable life, here I come!
94. INT. LIVING-ROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | NIGHT
Rosana and Eddy are seated on a love-seat. Eddy is smiling at her.
There is practically no conversation.
Rosana gets up from the love-seat and goes to the small electrical device on the floor. It has two buttons on it. Rosana turns one of them on.
The sound of crickets is heard. She adjusts the volume on the device.
She presses another button and the sounds of ocean waves are heard. The two sounds intertwine, recreating the atmosphere of a romantic summer night by the ocean.
As she goes back, taking her place next to Eddy, Rosana has a satisfied look on her face. They are enjoying the sounds of «nature».
She looks at Eddy.
Ocean… Crickets… Ah…
Wonderful… quite wonderful…
Through the penthouse French windows, they watch the New York sky line. The colors of the national flag are lit up on the Empire State Building.
America and I share the same birth-date, the Fourth of July. Did you know that?
Isn't it? I'd like to celebrate this joint birthday, only it is terribly expensive to organize it, terribly expensive…
Eddy nods in sympathy.
I'll have to ask all the guests to bring their own food and drinks… Do you think, that's OK? They all think I'm rich, but actually I'm not…
Eddy smiles and nods.
Not rich, my ass… you had money for those Romance-Producing Machines… You didn't even know what poverty was, my dear… «A woman careful with her money, what's wrong with that?» Nothing. The new American working man in me agreed, but the Russian in me protested.
95. INT. BEDROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Rosana and Eddy are lying in bed. Rosana is reading to Eddy, in Russian, Yesenjin's poem «The Bitch».
Eddy is hiding behind the «National Esquire». On the cover page, there is a large title: «Elvis Presley was a Soviet robot».
In the morning,
in the barn,
the bitch bore forth
All day long
she cleaned them up
with her tongue,
combed their fur gently,
and from the warmness
of her stomach
the snow melted…
Rosana, still holding the book, starts to fondle Eddy with her foot. There is no reaction from Eddy.
Rosana looks at him.
Listen… friendship and sex don't necessarily have to be incompatible… What do you think, Edward?
Eddy reads on.
Yes… sex is a good thing…
Rosana looks at him, puzzled.
Let's wait for the holiday, and then we'll do it.
Rosana is puzzled. She looks at him.
On the big day… on your birthday, and the birthday of my new country… The Fourth of July.
Rosana looks at him lovingly.
Ah, that is so romantic. Only from the magical depths of a Russian soul could something like that blossom…
Eddy looks at her, smiles, and goes back to his newspaper.
Did you know that Elvis was a Soviet robot? There is even factual evidence…
Rosana kisses him.
Eddy continues to look at the newspaper.
…You poor, beautiful J.A.P. [Jewish-American Princess] I was going to fuck you on Independence Day, you and America at the same time. This spiritual Russian poet was yearning for symbolism…
96. EXT. ROOF-TERRACE, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | DAY
Meat is sizzling on the grill. Eddy is barbecuing, his face sweaty.
It is a very boring, sterile party. There are a lot of Rosana's friends and a few of Eddy's.
…Eddy-baby's poor Jewish-American Princess had asked him for money to buy the meat… He loaned it to her, what else was he to do? It's a rocky road to the carnal pleasures, dear comrades. Let's not kid our selves, it was going to be after all, Eddy-baby's first American pussy, so…
Eddy turns the meat over. He is observing the situation, hidden behind the screen of smoke. All around, boring, middle-aged people, pretending to have fun.
…Parties like this made your shit freeze with boredom… Even the bloody steaks were better company than Rosana's friends. How distant this was from our parties…
97. INT. COMMUNAL APARTMENT — MOSCOW | NIGHT
Communal apartment is full of people. The doors are open, all the tenants are participating in Eddy and Helen's wedding celebration.
The uniformed, fire department brass band is playing the Russian romantic song, «Oci Carnije», as loud as they can.
Helen, bare-foot, in her wedding dress, is dancing on the table. The crowd is cheering.
Eddy, drunk, is kneeling under the table, striking his head against the bottom of the table to the rhythm.
All of them have bottles of vodka in their hands. The entire neighborhood is there. Occasions like this bring all disagreements to an end.
Yeftushenko, the KGB lieutenant, drunk, is staggering and singing.
Only Alyosha and Masha are drinking out of glasses. They are sitting quietly in a corner. Eddy goes up to them.
Hey, my dear ones, have you come to Eddy's wedding to insult him?
Why do you say that, Edward?
Alyosha, we know that you are a snob, but you can't be one here, now…
Eddy hugs them affectionately and pulls them toward the table.
Helen, Eddy, Alyosha and Masha are dancing wildly on the table.
Suddenly, the table breaks in. Everybody screams and falls onto the band.
Nobody is hurt, they are all lying around, screaming and laughing.
Yeftushenko is the only one who remains standing, still singing loudly.
98. EXT. ROOF-TERRACE, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | DAY
Eddy's only friends at Rosana's party are Alyosha and his wife, Masha.
Alyosha is completely drunk. He is swinging over the roof-terrace fence. He leans over and starts to vomit. Masha is standing next to him.
Despite her immense love for the Russian heart and soul, Rosana was pretty selective about Eddy's friends. She wanted him to invite only artists, Alyosha, Masha and crazy Slava. Sure enough, Slava's mother didn't let him come.
Eddy is laughing at Alyosha and the incident, which seems to give some life to the party. Obviously Rosana's friends do not share his opinion. Rosana is extremely upset. She runs to Eddy.
Edward, tell your friend to grab a hold of himself! He's ruining my party!
A scowl and cold look on Eddy's face. He takes a sip of vodka, straight from the bottle. He goes up to Alyosha.
Alyosha is very drunk. He smiles at Eddy, happily.
ALYOSHA (in Russian):
Hey, Eddy why the fuck did you need this shitty bitch and her sterile friends? Man, they are so sterile that they have sterile gauze sticking out of their sterile asses!
EDDY (in Russian):
Give it a rest, brother…
Eddy turns around. He sees Rosana looking at him somberly. A couple of her friends are watching the happenings in disapproval.
ALYOSHA (in Russian):
A rest? Is this a funeral or what, Eddy? You traitor! Here, I'll commit suicide, right away, because of your betrayal!
Alyosha swings his legs over the fence. It looks as if he is really going to jump.
A couple of Rosana's friends start to scream.
Masha turns to the upset women.
What the fuck's wrong with you? You snobs! Can't a decent artist even kill himself? Shame on you!
Masha turns to Eddy.
MASHA (in Russian):
Don't worry, Alyosha's just messing around…
Alyosha is sitting on the fence, swinging. Then he jumps, but onto the terrace.
MASHA (to Eddy):
You see? Are you still writing?
(not waiting for his answer)
Nobody wants to print my poetry here.
What should I do, Eddy? All they want here is me!
Masha steps closer to Eddy.
But I only love artists. Talent excites me!
I wish somebody wants to fuck me…
(sniffing the air)
You are lucky…
Eddy realizes that the meat is burning on the grill.
He runs back, through the smoke he sees Margo (30-ish, lovely Chinese-American), friend of Rosana. She is trying to save the meat from turning into charcoal, while the others are standing around, indifferently.
I'm sorry, I don't really understand barbecuing…
Eddy takes the hand in which she is holding the poker.
I'm a meat expert… no, not like that… you have to be gentle with meat…
The fire is going out, but Eddy is still holding her hand.
Maybe you're an expert in starting a fire.
Quite puny for the great Russian poet my friend boasts about.
At that moment Rosana approaches them, obviously pissed off, but hiding her disappointment with a fake smile.
I suppose you plan to let my friends die of hunger. Am I right, Eddy?
That would make the party more interesting, my dear…
Rosana smiles cynically.
You were always my wittiest friend…
This is Margo, my dorm roommate… but I see you've already met…
Eddy and Margo shake hands. Margo smiles at him, while Rosana looks at them suspiciously.
Rosana, pretending to be polite, grabs Margo by the arm nervously. She pulls her off into the crowd, throwing threatening glances at Eddy.
I suppose he'll be more efficient without us standing around… Come on, I want you to see somebody from college. You haven't seen him in ages…
As they walk away, Eddy looks after them, sadly. He takes a bottle of vodka and has a long pull.
The meat starts to burn again, but Eddy doesn't pay any attention.
99. EXT. ROOF-TERRACE, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | DUSK
Guests are gathered around the grill. Rosana is passing food around to her hungry friends. Since the food is free, they are all grabbing as much as they can. Rosana is helping Eddy and smiling at each guests she serves.
(muttering to Eddy)
It's burnt!… Look at it, it's charcoal!
EDDY ( to himself):
I thought most of these guys were vegetarians.
Alyosha throws up again, this time all over Rosana's plants. Rosana's friends are watching the scene, in disgust.
What kind of people are you Russians? Why are you so debauched? Why does it have to be a Byzantine orgy? Why?
Rosana and Eddy are looking at each other. Eddy smiles at her, giving her a thumbs up sign that everything is under control.
100. INT. LIVING-ROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | DAY
Eddy enters the living room, and looks around. He spots Margo, with a wine-glass in her hand, sitting on the love-seat. Next to her is a guy (40-ish, Jewish-New York intellectual) excitedly explaining something. Margo is just politely nodding her head, obviously not sharing his excitement.
Staggering slightly, Eddy walks across the room, and stands in front of them. The guy doesn't notice Eddy, but Margo does. She smiles at him.
…I had a very intensive «primal scream». I cried and cried for almost forty-five minutes, I called out for my mommy, and begged her not to take me out of the warm safety of her stomach into the horrible and unknown world… I cried so much… It was so releasing…
The guy sees Eddy, gives him a stare, expecting him to move away.
Eddy is still standing, as if hypnotized. He is looking at Margo. Then, he takes a seat between Margo and the guy. He is halfway on the guys lap. Margo starts to laugh.
The guy is confused. He stares at Eddy for a couple of moments.
GUY (to Margo):
Those freeloaders will eat everything if I don't act right away… I'll bring you a nice piece. How do you like it?
The guy winks at her.
You got it!
He gets up and leaves in a hurry.
Margo looks Eddy straight in the eyes. Eddy starts whispering gently to her in Russian. He is whispering amorously, very gentle Russian words.
EDDY (in Russian):
My little soul, my dearest, my only one…
Margo does not understand a thing. It is quite obvious that the sound of those words is enough to excite her.
Eddy leans over and kisses her. She doesn't push him off. On the contrary, she completely gives in. They kiss, as if they are about to swallow each other.
The backside of the love-seat is turned towards the terrace, so nobody from the terrace can see what is going on between Eddy and Margo.
Alyosha makes his way through the crowd of delighted meat-eaters and enters the room. He stares at the love-seat from which lapping and panting can be heard.
Yeah brother… Russian poet show your fire!
Eddy's head disappears between Margo's slender legs.
Only Margo's head can be seen from the terrace. She is sipping wine. Eddy's action is hidden by the love-seat's backside.
101. INT. LIVING-ROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | NIGHT
Two men are pulling drunken Eddy away. He is throwing up and leaving a trail behind on the expensive carpet.
…Take your hands off Russia's greatest live poet! You're not even worthy of his shit… He does what he has to… Leave him alone!
While Eddy is puking all over the floor, Masha jumps at the two men who are pulling him away. Rosana is crying hysterically.
Take him over there… Under the shower
(then to herself, sobbing)
Eddy, you pig… You bastard… You destroyed my party…
Alyosha laughs, obviously excited by the situation.
Margo is asleep on the love-seat with a happy smile on her face, still holding her wine glass.
102. INT. BATHROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy is asleep in the bathtub. The shower is running over him. He is hugging a bottle of Vodka, like a baby.
ROSANA (off, yelling):
You bitch, wake up… Please, leave my apartment! WAKE UP! LEAVE!
(Then, politely to the others)
I'm so sorry, I'm sorry… please… Why do you have to leave? It is SO early! IT'S-SO-GOD-DAMN-EARLY!
A murmur of the frantic guests.
103. INT. ROSANA' S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy, fully dressed and still wet, is sleeping on the bed. Rosana, furious and hurt, is shaking him continuously.
You have to get up, Edward. You have to wake up… You have to, you have to…
She starts to cry and pulls him off the bed. He lands on his head, and wakes up.
You deserve that! I deserve the same, for associating with people in denial.
Eddy looks at her through half-open eyelids.
You are still mad at me, because of the barbecue..? Rosana, where is everybody?
Everybody! Everybody left! You managed to destroy my birthday celebration… You really did! You spoiled our agreement… You have disgraced me…
Eddy just looks at her with no reaction.
You raped my best friend, you animal! How could you be so mean to me?
Eddy gets up, staggering.
He leaves the bedroom, enters the living-room, which is in a state of chaos. There are knocked over ashtrays, broken glass, vomit.
Rosana is following him. Eddy picks up a half empty bottle of wine, takes a swig.
Your friends were dead drunk, too.
(screaming at Eddy)
How could you jump all over that whore?
Eddy pulls out a cold beer from the frige.
Eddy opens the terrace door. New York City lights are shining. Fireworks start.
EDDY (to himself):
An artist is helpless before beauty. He acts spontaneously, and most of the time, it is harmful.
Rosana looks at him in surprise, and then leaves angrily.
Eddy takes a sip of his beer.
All around us was the Fourth of July. I remembered the agreement between Rosana and me. I had to do it, otherwise I would stop respecting myself. I had to beat the hangover, and do it… Shame on you poet… since you couldn't write without love, at least go ahead and fuck, Eddy-baby !
Eddy sees Rosana reflected in the window. She is hauling a huge vacuum-cleaner.
Now, you'll clean up Edward! Clean-up… Everything!
Eddy sighs and takes a big sip.
104. INT. ROSANA'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
The sound of the vacuum-cleaner is mixing with the sound of fireworks. Hung-over, Eddy is fighting with the vacuum cleaner. The hose is too much for him.
Suddenly, a leg in a black, silk stocking, incredibly high heel shoes, steps on the vacuum-cleaner switch, and turns it off.
Eddy looks up. Rosana had let her hair down, standing in front of him, in a black corset and garter-belt. She is trying to look at him seductively.
Edward, my poet, the holiday will be over soon…
105. INT./EXT. WINDOWS, SKY — NEW YORK | NIGHT
The sky, through the penthouse's French windows, is full of The Fourth of July's fireworks. They are getting louder and louder, as is Rosana's moaning.
106. INT. LIVING-ROOM, ROSANA'S APARTMENT — N.Y. | NIGHT
Rosana and Eddy are making love. Rosana is now holding onto the vacuum-cleaner, like a good house keeper. She is getting more and more excited, as Eddy pumps her from behind.
ROSANA (out of breath):
You can't come yet… no, honey, don't rush… take it easy, Eddy do it slowly… slowly…
Eddy is doing it mechanically, like a wind-up toy. He is looking out the window, there is no sign of pleasure on his face.
The fireworks reach the peak.
Eddy climaxes, too. Rosana collapses on the floor.
Naked, Eddy walks to the big window, stares at the fireworks.
Her pussy was warm, sweet, juicy… but her soul was dry. More and more, I thought how I needed a young, naive, beautiful and exciting woman. Not an already formed monster. Somehow, life didn't offer me that… It offered Rosana. Man, what a difference, screwing the woman you love, or the one you don't… It's like night and day!
Still with his back turned to Rosana, Eddy grabs one end of the expensive curtain, and casually wipes off his penis.
Rosana, blissful face, eyes closed, does not notice anything.
Fireworks start another round.
EDDY (turning to Rosana):
There is no love in you, only interests. Just «reasonable» portions of food, beverage, emotions, fucking… You are not hoping for anything, just going down the path. The path, not a bit exciting, not a bit! Where is it leading to, Rosana? Nowhere…
Fireworks noise overpower Eddy's words. He is not sure if Rosana heard anything, he just said.
Rosana opens her eyes. They look at each other.
Eddy looks back at the window.
If I had noticed any kind of protest in her eyes, a disagreement… I would have gone up to her. I would have opened my soul. I might even have learned to love her… but I didn't. Because she didn't love me, because she didn't love anyone. Rosana just looked at me with those dead rat eyes…
The phone rings. Rosana does not react, she continues to enjoy herself.
Eddy looks like he just woke up, answers the phone. To his surprise, the call is for him.
HELEN (off, giggling):
Hey, loser — what's up?
The following title appears on a black background:
7. The Rescue
107. EXT. STREET — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Crowded streets. People celebrating 4th of July.
Eddy, a happy expression on his face, is rushing down the street, carrying his old sewing-machine.
Absent minded, Eddy crosses a street. A taxi almost hits him. The frustrated drivers are honking. Eddy doesn't notice them.
MALE VOICE (off):
"Evil people will try to separate you", wasn't that the last thing the Russian priest told you, at the wedding?
Eddy turns around, sees Slava, continues walking. Slava catches up with him.
How could a Russian priest have known, that all kinds of scum would stick their dicks into her sweet, little, pee-hole?
So what, she wants it… she needs it…
Eddy, you should treat Helen, as Jesus treated Mary Magdalene. Treat her, even better! If you love that creature, forgive her sins…
Unreasonable, unhappy and evil creature..?
Slava falls back, behind Eddy. He can not keep up with his hurried pace.
SLAVA (shouting after Eddy):
Love her, don't despise her… You must think I'm joking, making Christ out of you… Christ who forgives all our sins… Not so, my friend! Help her, ask for nothing in return..!
Eddy stops for a brief moment. Turning around he doesn't see anyone he knows. Slava has disappeared in the joyful crowd.
108. ENT. HELEN'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | DUSK
Helen opens the door. She has changed quite a bit since seen last. Thin, warn out, tired.
Eddy is standing at the door, with the sewing machine in his arms.
You put on a little weight, my dear.
She takes his hand, barely brushes his cheek with her lips.
My hero! You'll soon be a real American bull neck! Then we'll marry you off.
Helen laughs her hoarse, sick and helpless laugh. She is used to torturing him. She is not about give it up, now.
Eddy stares at her.
Helen looks pretty bad, dark circles under her eyes, her hair a mess.
Helen shows him into the apartment. She lives in a part of a professional photographer's studio, in a huge, factory-like building, with a big courtyard.
Tomorrow, I've got a really important audition! I want to show up in a dress I've designed myself. It'll be a blast, won't it?
Without beating around the bush, Helen tosses him an oddly shaped piece of glittering fabric. It seems, Eddy has a lot of work to do.
You have to fix it, a bit. Otherwise, it's chic, isn't it..?
(she hugs Eddy)
Remember how you used to sew for mein Moscow? Only for me. Who else knows my measurements better?
Eddy looks at her, instead of at the dress.
Go ahead, tell me, how cute it is! I'm too smart to be some dumb model, right? The real dough is in the fashion designing business, did you know that?
Eddy is still looking at her.
No, I didn't…
Helen goes to a table, pours herself some vodka. She takes a huge swing. She looks over at Eddy and smiles at him.
Well, now you know… That's what you should do, instead of poetry… Fashion design!
Eddy is not really listening to her. Instead, he opens his sewing-machine.
Somebody pounds at the door. Noise is heard, coming from the outside.
Helen opens the door. Two creatures enter, both talking at the same time. A pregnant woman, with an enormous stomach, and a 16mm film camera in her hands. A transvestite, with a charcoal black wig, and a thin mustache. The transvestite sees Eddy at the sewing machine:
Oh, I see, creativity is in today…
He goes up to Eddy and touches the fabric.
And which one of you is Cinderella?
Receiving no reaction from Eddy, he goes to Helen and sniffs the glass Helen is holding.
Phooey! My darling, this is so bad for your body! It's harmful, very harmful!
The pregnant woman is filming round the room. The camera makes a buzzing noise.
Don't be so intrusive, daddy!
(she touches her stomach)
My little one can't stand wine, but it simply adores bourbon. It becomes so still, meditative! So, mommy can work.
(with a wide, gentle smile, touching her stomach)
Yeah, we're taking baby to parties, so it tunes in. Wanna join us?
Helen drinks up.
Helen goes up to Eddy. She puts her hand on his shoulder.
Eddy, be productive, I'll be back soon. You've got all you need, anyway!
The pregnant woman is filming the entire time. Suddenly, she grabs her stomach.
PREGNANT WOMAN (yelling):
The embryo is spoiling my creation… Daddy, tell it to stop…
The transvestite leans his head on to her stomach.
TRANSVESTITE (in a baritone):
C'mon, son… calm down now… We're going to see uncle Andy.
They start towards the door.
Suddenly, Helen goes to Eddy.
It's all in your hands, loser!
Helen pulls him close to her, giving him a short passionate kiss on the lips.
The pregnant woman is trying to catch the kiss on film, as they are leaving.
Eddy is watching them leave and mechanically, not even looking at the needle, he threads it.
It seemed to me, that Helen whispered to me: «I'm sorry»… I'm sure only a «stupid, sentimental Russian» could have thought that…
109. INT. COMMUNAL APARTMENT — MOSCOW | NIGHT
On the same sewing-machine, Eddy is fixing a uniform.
Helen enters the room, wearing a short worn-out fur. Her cheeks are all red from the cold. She shakes the snow off, and when she notices what Eddy is doing, she frowns.
What is that? Answer me!
Eddy continues to sew, not answering.
Helen furiously takes out two crumpled theater tickets from her bag.
Two months… two months, I've been waiting for these «Bolshoy theater» tickets. When, finally, some bureaucratic piece of shit, sells them to me…
(on the verge of tears)
I have nothing to wear! You don't give a shit, you're sewing this crap!
(she lowers her voice)
Are you brown-nosing your way, into the KGB? Hugh?
Eddy does not reply. He just gets up silently, with a tape measure in his hand, and goes to the next room. Pulling at his sleeve, Helen runs after him.
They are all more important to you than I am!
A big candle is burning in the room Eddy had entered. It is placed next to a small pillow, with medals on it. On a wooden table, the KGB lieutenant Yeftushenko lies dead. His old body is white and wrinkled, dressed only in underwear. His once neat mustache is now tousled and drooping.
The widow is there accompanied by a couple of neighbors.
From an old gramophone, The Red Army songs are heard.
Eddy is measuring the corpse's sleeves. Helen is standing at the door, in shock. Tears in her eyes, the widow gives Eddy an imploring look.
I don't want it to be raggedy, I don't want to disgrace him, he was a hero… My hero… Our hero…
Eddy turns to the widow.
Don't worry, everything will be all right. The uniform will be as good as new…
Helen is standing at the door, biting her lip. She is on the verge of crying.
Eddy glances towards her. Their eyes meet.
I didn't know, I didn't know…
Drunk neighbor enters. He crosses himself and drinks from the bottle he has in his hand.
DRUNK NEIGHBOR (to Eddy):
A great man, a great era… we got rid off the fascists, the Russian people… We won The Second World War… Who is there to fight now? Who, only each other, comrade Yeftushenko… you lived in good times… A GREAT ERA!
Helen, her lips pressed firmly together, leaves.
Eddy hears Helen running down the hallway, the bathroom door closing behind her. Eddy follows her, ignoring drunk neighbor's drink offer.
Through the unclear glass door, Eddy sees Helen's silhouette. She is obviously crying. Eddy pounds on the door.
Helen, how could you have known? You couldn't… my darling… don't cry, don't cry…
110. INT. HELEN'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
Eddy tears the thread with his teeth. The dress is almost ready. He rubs off the tears from his face.
Eddy looks across the courtyard. On the other side of the building, there is a large place with lots of windows. That is the place where the party is going on. He sees a large crowd, hears loud music.
Eddy recognizes Andy Warhol himself. A woman, with shaved head, is talking to him, but he is not looking at her. Warhol looks in Eddy's direction, across the courtyard. Their eyes meet for a moment.
Eddy looks away, continues to sew.
Andy Warhol, The Great… Bravo, you have your mission… Only I, poor Russian poet, know that «National Esquire» got it wrong… It is YOU who is the Soviet robot! Not poor Elvis Presley, who died fighting you and all the other coldblooded monsters… You were created for a special war. The KGB sent you here to destroy The Western Civilization… Your weapon was indifference. You have a big mission, and it is going well for you… But Eddy-baby also has a small, tiny mission… To save the soul of a small Russian girl…
Eddy sews on.
111. INT. CARGO SHIP, CABIN | NIGHT
Helen is imitating The Statue of Liberty for Eddy, in the cabin of a cargo ship.
Small radio is playing the song from «Grease».
Accidentally, with the lighter used as The Statue torch, Helen sets the sheet she is draped in on fire. Eddy jumps to her rescue. They laugh, extinguishing the fire.
112. INT. HELEN'S APARTMENT — NEW YORK | NIGHT
While sewing, Eddy is watching the party across the courtyard. Occasionally, he sees Helen, who is obviously wasted and drugged, staggering through the crowd.
Suddenly, theme song from «Grease» starts to play at the party. It is not Warhol's kind of music. Half of the crowd welcomes it, half of it protest.
As he is finishing the dress, Eddy hears the song. Carrying the dress, he leaves the apartment.
113. INT. CARGO ELEVATOR, HELEN'S BUILDING — N.Y. | NIGHT
Eddy is in the huge, very slow, cargo elevator, clutching the dress.
I have to get up there before the song ends… I have to…
Elevator operator, whistling «Grease», doesn't even look at Eddy.
114. INT. LANDING, HELEN'S BUILDING — NEW YORK | NIGHT
The «Grease» song is still playing. Some people are standing in front of the door. Eddy squeezes through.
The bodyguard won't let him in.
Only if you have a VIP pass… Sorry!
Eddy tries to push his way in. The huge guy grabs him, does not let him move. Eddy is trying to break free.
…Please, I have to get in before it finishes…
Screams come from inside. The bodyguard runs in, not paying attention to Eddy anymore. Eddy gets in.
115. INT. PARTY PLACE, HELEN'S BUILDING — NEW YORK | NIGHT
There are weirdly dressed people at the party. It does not look like an average 4th of July celebration. Dancing in trance like movements, some of the guests are wearing only painted patterns on their naked bodies. A psychedelic light show, bubbles and gelatin masses, is reflected on the walls.
The pregnant woman is filming the usual Andy Warhol's, thrilling movie. A bunch of naked, apathetic actors are entangled on a large, aluminum foil covered bed. Stage lights are arranged all around. Andy is chatting with a completely naked, bald girl.
Eddy makes his way through a crowd. He goes to a group in front of the bathroom, where obviously, something happened.
The pregnant camera woman rushes to the bathroom, filming. Her transvestite friend runs behind her, with a portable light.
Shocked, with Helen's dress in his hand, Eddy stands at the bathroom door.
Helen has drowned in her own vomit. Her head is in the toilet. She has a rubber string around her arm. There is a spoon and a syringe on the floor, next to the toilet.
Without moving, Eddy watches the scene.
The camera woman is filming. The camera hums in Eddy's ear. Than it runs out of film.
PREGNANT WOMAN (yelling):
Daddy, get a new reel, come on..! I'll miss this!
The transvestite does not respond, he is staring at Helen.
Eddy is just standing there.
The naked girl that was chatting with Warhol approaches Eddy.
A wonderful dress! May I?
The girl takes the dress out of Eddy's hands. She holds it up, against herself, looking for a mirror.
A tall black guy is whispering something to Warhol. Andy looks towards the bathroom. He smiles and remains motionless.
A 4th of July suicide..! How exciting!
Warhol voice attracts Eddys attention. He turns around, sees a TV set in a corner. A late night re-run of the «Green Card» game-show is just starting.
116. INT. TV SCREEN, PARTY PLACE — NEW YORK | NIGHT
The orchestra starts the game-show theme song.
Johnny Larson, the host is hugging Helen.
Larson and Helen starts to sing. They go up the New York's sky-scrapers set, as if they were going up the steps.
HELEN and LARSON (singing together):
If you have to be
and be seen
It's better to be
the world is…
Helen and Larson, singing and step-dancing, reach the top of the make-believe New York panorama, wave to the audience and disappear. The applause intensifies.
117. EXT. BUILDING ACROSS THE WINSLOW HOTEL — N.Y. | DAY
A pigeon flies down to a man's feet, on the window ledge.
Step-dancing a bit, man sings the last verse of the game-show theme song, than he jumps from the building.
It is Johnny Larson.
The pigeon flies away.
118. EXT. WINDOW LEDGE, WINSLOW HOTEL — NEW YORK | DAY
The same pigeon flies over naked Eddy, who is asleep, lying on the window ledge. The pigeon-shit falls onto his chest. Eddy wakes up and wipes it off, as if nothing had happened.
Eddy, with his Russian wooden spoon, starts to eat from the pot, lying on his stomach. He takes a bite, eats it and turns to the camera.
You people, doesn't life, sometimes seem pointless? Have you ever thought about it? I did. That's why I was always searching for some kind of a great mission… You didn't, but you're OK. You're telling me: «Fuck off!». Maybe, you're right. But, do you think, I never yearn for your white houses with green lawns, for your large families, for your happy American wives, sun-tanned children, with peanut-butter smeared all over their faces… Well, why dream? It's hopeless. I've gone, way too far. I'll never have all that… I'll never have a family that will dine at the same table. I'll never be a doctor or a lawyer… and you'll never invite me to dinner. You're afraid that I'll spit in your food… I won't! I need love, and you won't give it to me. Why..? Because, I'm a nobody, because I'm alone, and because I eat shchi. But I have to take care of myself. Who else will? WHO? Would you?!
(yelling in Russian)
Screw you… you motherfucking cunts, all of you can go to fucking hell!
The following sign appears on the black background:
After graduating, with the help of The Welfare Foundation, Eddy became a famous writer. For ten years, he lived in Paris, France, wrote fifteen books. They were translated in many countries. Then, he returned to Russia and established his own political party…
THE FILM END CREDITS START OVER NEXT SHOT.
119. EXT. RED SQUARE — MOSCOW | DAWN
A black marble wall. A hand appears, holding a brush, and starts to spread glue on the wall. It places a large poster on the wall, a picture of Eddy, and a sign that reads:
EDDY FOR PRESIDENT
The poster is on the wall of Lenin's mausoleum. It is posted by Eddy, himself. He is standing on The Red Square, alone.
Content Eddy looks at his handy work, and starts an old Frank Sinatra's tune.
…You always make it there,
you make it anywhere,
New York, New York…